Vanity & Its Harms

You know you have a problem when you can’t stop looking at yourself in the reflection of car windows! When it comes to those people who are beautiful to some degree; people are of perhaps two types. The first type of people are those who are quite simply not bothered by their beauty. They don’t spend hours in front of the mirror grooming themselves; they are happy enough to roll out of bed and go to the shops to pick up a pint of milk. Then there is the second type; those people who cannot leave the house without making sure every inch of their body looks attractive. He/she constantly feels the need to look in the mirror every minute (literally).

The reality is, it is not a bad thing to look good. Rather, it is something that we should give some degree of importance too. As Muslims we are given the example of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam who would always look good and presentable. He would make sure that his blessed body is well fragranced, that his blessed teeth are clean, that his clothes are sparkling and the examples are many.

However, a problem can arise in a person when he becomes obsessed with his/her own looks. Keeping oneself represent able is a good thing but when a person becomes incredibly vain and over taken by one’s own features, it is not something which is lauded. Rather, it can give rise to many negative traits within one’s own self. Vanity can give rise to arrogance; when a person feels he/she is too pretty, they may begin to feel superior to anybody else. This can be seen at the time of marriage; a person might get a proposal from a nice, good looking girl but the boy (who considers himself handsome) will reject her simply because she is not as ‘beautiful’ as he is. When Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam was asked, “What is pride/arrogance?” He replied, “It is to turn away from the truth and to look down on people (i.e. belittle them).” (Bukhari).  Thus, vanity can lead a person to think much in regards to himself and as a result, his ego inflates like a balloon. And just like a balloon, his feet do not remain on the ground.

Secondly, it could cause envy within oneself and within others which doesn’t do one any favours. For example, when a handsome person sees someone who is even more beautiful than he is, he gets jealous and envious. Take the example of a person who is considered beautiful by his community and is constantly praised by the other gender, if another person entered that same community and stole the attention, the vain person would become extremely envious. When a person becomes envious, he may do anything to destroy the other person. Similarly, if a person is regularly trying to look good, he could at times get the wrong attention from the wrong people which could in effect, give him problems. i.e. the entire situation could be reversed and someone may get jealous on him.

Vanity could also bring anger within a person. There are many people who buy rare garments etc and they believe it to be exclusive to themselves. However, one day, they bump in to another person who has the exact same garments and as a result, they become extremely angry. They feel that that particular piece of clothing was meant to be exclusive and as a result, they go ballistic! 

Finally, vanity brings love for this world into the hearts of people.  Once, Malik ibn Dinar rahimahullah asked, "In what lies the corruption of the people?" Hasan al Basi rahimahullah replied, “In the death of the heart." Malik ibn Dinar rahimahullah said, "What is the death of the heart?" Hasan: "The love of the world.” When a person becomes too engaged in materialistic goods he becomes a chamcha for the worldly life, thus, a person loses characteristics of abstinence in his life and the transition from this life to the hereafter becomes harder.

So what can a person do to take vanity out of himself?

1. One should spend very little time in front of the mirror. Literally, force oneself to limit this time.
2. One should leave one’s house without applying makeup/gel etc etc
3. One should try to avoid wearing brand name clothing.
4. Hang around with those people who aren’t vain.

May Allah Ta’ala give us the ability to rectify ourselves. Ameen.

Reflections on 'Rinsing' Guys and Glamour Models

Bismillahir rahmanir raheem.

A few days ago, news reached me of a TV programme that was broadcasted in relation to a few supermodels who have used their appearances and sex appeal to draw some benefits and gifts from the opposite gender. At first, I didn't pay that much attention to it but over the last few days, I have noticed that it has sparked such uproar, that many people have written about it. In fact, such was the uproar, that it sparked a Twitter storm causing 50,000 tweets.  After reading through some of these articles (which contained tweets and public comments), I viewed a couple of short clips of the episode and it truly upset me and made a deep impact upon my heart.

After reading much feedback and trying to grasp many of the new concepts, there were three areas I recognised as being important to address; 1. Women and their role models 2. Men and how lowly they can become 3. Hayaa (modesty)

In brief, let me just summarise the issue; the theme of this documentary highlights the lives of various glamour models who are apparently extremely successful but they do not have any such profession. As a result, they use their beauty to entice rich (or reasonably rich) men who then in turn give them money and buy them extremely expensive gifts. This is not to say that the problem in its entirety lies with the women, men who welcome the idea of spending thousands on women who do not even care for them deserve to be hit with the harsh clap of reality; but more on that later.

My first area of worry was in relation to our own respected and dear sisters in Islam. Despite many women (whom I applaud) condemning the models in the documentary,  I noticed how some women were writing messages of support after watching these models rake money in. Many went to the extent of saying that such action was justified and quite beneficial. As a Muslim, let alone a Muslima, such actions are quite simply far from our religion. How can it bring a person happiness, to hoard wealth in a fashion which is against morality and free from any ethics? It does not even need a Muslim to highlight that such behaviour is wrong, many non Muslims are correctly condemning such doings on social networking websites. 

Thus, it's necessary to disregard such glamour models and looks for some role models for all that glitters is not gold. When you take away the glitz and the thrill of what these women are doing and you lay their purpose out, it is quite simply abhorrent.  How can it be acceptable, to not work for the money you gain but to take it from the hand of a person who is vulnerable due to his desires? Alhamdulillah, our deen has taught us from the very beginning to be people of pioneering nature who are not reliant on the money of others. Such people who exert their limbs in noble work, utilise their capacity in all fields and be dignified in their search for wealth. This was taught to us by our beloved Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam. In a narration related by Abu Dawud, a man came to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam and he had nothing in his possession except a piece of cloth (half of which was to be worn and the other half was to be used as a spread) and a bowl. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam told him to bring both possessions to him; consequently, they were brought and the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam auctioned them off for 2 dirhams (silver coins). He gave the man the two coins and told him to spend one upon the sustenance of his family and the other coin should be used to purchase an axe. In fact, the axe was brought to Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam and he fixed the handle; he then commanded the man that he should go and gather firewood (by utilising the axe) and should not return until 2 weeks later. When the man returned, he had accumulated 10 silver coins. It was at this juncture that the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “This is better for you than the (act of) begging should come as a blemish on your face on the Day of Judgment. Begging is right only for three people: one who is in grinding poverty, one who is seriously in debt, or one who is responsible for compensation and finds it difficult to pay. (i.e. extremely dire circumstances)”.

Having understood this hadith, it is important to highlight the work ethic that Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam would inculcate within the Companions. Respect for a person is when that person acquires sustenance in a respectable and dignified manner. What respect is there in a person who hoards money by using their sexual prowess as a means of asking men for gifts? A person may achieve their goal and gain quite a bit from lustful men but where is the taste of prosperity in their wealth? It is free from any blessing, free from any satisfaction, free from any dignity.

Thus it is important to urge our sisters to be such women, who study hard throughout their youth and become women who are intellectually astute, morally sound and highly modest. When such characteristics are found within a woman, she is not in need of stooping to such lows.

The second advice is in relation to my dear Muslim brothers; we have become too weak in relation to our desire for the opposite gender. There are many who are all too willing to give time, wealth and affection to women who are not even halal for them. Many Muslim men are spending their money on women whom they have never met; their only source of interaction with these glamour models etc has been through adult entertainment sources. In an attempt to win the admiration of these women, many men are emptying out their wallets in buying gifts which would be more rewarding for them had they spent their wealth on their family members instead. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, "When a Muslim spends on his family in anticipation of a reward, it is sadaqa for him." (Al Adabul Mufrad) I.e. when a man spends on his family members, he is rewarded immensely. Furthermore, in this documentary, men were spending thousands on these women; Allahu Akbar! There are people in this world who are in extreme need, they are literally walking on the banks of destruction and they have no person to feed them. Yet, we would rather give money to women who are quite simply ‘users’ (matlab parast) as opposed to the millions who are dying of hunger. 

Our priorities in life must be sorted out. On the Day of Qiyamah, the feet of a person will not move until he has answered 5 questions; two of which are: Where did you acquire your wealth? Where did you spend your wealth? Every single person will have to answer for every single penny he spent, what will be the state of that person who did not care for his zakah but was enthusiastic upon spending his wealth in shameful places? What answer will he give to Allah? Thus, it is important for us to build this fear within us.

Lastly, in relation to a man, we need to stop being ‘suckers’ for everything that tickles our fancy. We have to build up our defences, it shouldn’t be the case that a pretty woman batters her eyelashes and we feel the need to rescue the damsel in distress. There is a need to become prudent in such matters and ignore that which is of no benefit. When a person becomes desperate in regards to the other gender, he loses his respect in the eyes of people.

Finally, I wanted to mention the topic of modesty. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam has said that Hayaa (modesty) is a branch of faith. In another place he has said, “Every nation has a trait and the trait of my nation is modesty” (Muwatta). He has also said, “Vulgarity does not exist in something except that it makes it repulsive and modesty does not exist in something except that it beautifies it.”  In fact, even men are given the example of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam who was described as being more bashful than a veiled virgin within her quarters.

Modesty is quite simply that thing which prevents a person from doing anything hideous. He is constantly shy and is afraid what people might think. Moreover, he is most shy of Allah Ta’ala. As a result, he shies away; take the example of a pious person, when all of his friends are going to a club, he rejects because his modesty stops him from entering such places. Thus, the more we increase in our modesty, the greater we become in distinguishing immoral activities from moral deeds. This is a characteristic which should be in us all (men and women) but it seems extremely distant from such women who are involved in ‘rinsing’ activities. The likes of Asmaa bint Abi Bakr radiallahu anhumaa was such that one day she was carrying a huge weight of harvest on her shoulders towards her house which was at a distance. The Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam passed by with a group of men; the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam was her brother in law and offered to take her home by sitting her on his horse but she refused the offer and said, “I am shy that I travel amongst the men”. Such women are models, the great role models to have ever walked the earth.

May Allah Ta’ala give us all the ability to recognise that which is the Haqq as Haqq and then bless us with the ability to follow it. And may He give us the ability to recognise that which is false as false and bless us with the ability to stay away from it. May He, out of His kindness, endow us with the characteristics of our beloved Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam, and beautify us with the characteristic of modesty. Ameen.

The Sinister...'Far Away, Distant' Feeling

That ‘far away, distant' feeling is something that comes to us all every now and then. This is that feeling, where everything feels blurred and everything seems distant. It seems that everybody is getting on with something or the other and you seem to be standing still; it just feels that you are stuck in a time and place from which you can’t get out of! An example of this to a lower degree can be seen in a student who is sitting in an exam hall; he sees everybody around him doing something but his brain feels to blunt to think of something and his stomach begins to churn as he sees his time is running out.

The reality of this all is that different incidents in a person’s life can trigger of this feeling. Sometimes, an abundance of work and pressure could be the cause; at other stages panic and anxiety could be a reason. Sometimes desperation could settle into oneself and many times, all these factors come together to hit insaan for a six! He then becomes like that cricket ball which has been hit out of the stadium and is sitting outside in the car park all by itself, waiting for somebody to pick it up and bring it back to its rightful place (i.e. the pitch). Similarly, when life is moving so fast around us and we feel completely dazed, we too need someone to take us by the hand and put our hearts’ at ease.

This feeling is an emotion that comes to us regularly and perhaps more so as we grow up and less so as we reach an elderly age. As a person grows, his responsibilities increase and he finds himself juggling between those actions which he must do (whether he likes it or not) and those actions which he likes to do (as a hobby). During his life, he will find himself constantly balancing between the two. When a person starts taking too much on, he finds himself bewildered at the sheer pace of life. There seems to be too many things happening and too little time to analyse them all.

In some instances, an issue of great magnitude such as a person’s death is placed in front of us which totally sweeps our feet from beneath us. Another example could be of a person who is planning to get married; he may be preparing for months on end but as the time to tie the knot approaches, he begins to feel that there are many things which he hasn’t dealt with! In both situations, a person is left befuddled and perplexed.

And in some instances, a person can want to feel far away from everything! When a person constantly sees ‘snakes’ from amongst his dear ones and dark evil in his surroundings, one naturally wants to curl up into a ball and stay in one corner. Sometimes sadness comes to us in abundance and the only reprieve seems to be in the darkness of a silent room. Thus, the far away feeling occurs because a person doesn’t want to feel close to the action.

Finally, you have others who experience the far away feeling because they are quite simply potty! This is when a person is just to foolish to do what is good for himself and continues doing stupid things which prove to be a hindrance to his existence! An example I hear you say? Take the example of a person who wastes his life in a shisha cafe; everyday he wakes up, he does the same thing. He brushes his teeth, wears his jacket, takes money from his parents and follows his friends (who may also be potty) into a shisha cafe. He thereafter wastes pound after pound in buying drinks, coals, snacks etc. The most bizarre thing of all is that this very same person has a career defining exam the following day and he should be revising! As a result, he sits in the exam hall the next day and all he can do is squirm in his chair when he sees his classmates around him pencilling in their exam papers at speed.

So how can a person stop this feeling or get out of it? There are a variety of things he can do. Below are just a few:

• Stop feeling sorry for yourself – sometimes a person needs to slap himself (not literally) and pull his socks up. For how long will a person feel sorry about himself and watch the people around him be successful and not be a part of that success himself? A person must produce unyielding efforts to break away from the vicious cycle of self pity and sorrow.

• Grab hold of a good friend to help you – sometimes we can’t see how deep we are in a situation. At times we exaggerate our problems and at other times, we play matters which are of huge relevance down. When we have the ‘far away feeling’ we should confide this matter in a close, loving, knowledgeable friend. We should explain to him, “I need you to help me pick myself up and make use of my time.” This feeling can bring much sadness to a person which in turn brings a fatigued, lazy ethos. We need to tell our close friend, “When you see me wasting my life away, pull me together and slap me (literally)!”

• Get up and go – have some ‘get up and go’ about yourself. You may find that nobody can help you; that should not send you into a murky abyss. Rather, fortify your intentions and make something of yourself.

• Take the advices from the Qur’an and the Hadith - While the Qur’an cheers up a saddened soul, it also has great advices to push a person in the right direction. Similarly, the words of our Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam have great blessings; he himself would say, ‘I am a source of peace for my companions’. Thus, if we engross ourselves by becoming his companions (i.e. by studying his words), his invigorating shadow will extend over us also.

• Make lots of dua – only Allah Ta’ala is the One who can take us out of the darkness we see before us. Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’an, “When My servants ask you about Me, then (tell them that) I am near. I respond to the call of one when he prays to Me; so they should respond to Me, and have faith in Me, so that they may be on the right path.” The court of Allah Ta’ala isn’t like a shop which has opening and closing hours; it is open all hours. The court of Allah Ta’ala is like that shop which has everything a person could need and more; he just needs to pre-order through his dua and Allah Ta’ala will send him what he requires. The postage, packaging and delivery depends on that person’s sincerity in his dua but when does eventually receives it, five star customer satisfaction is guaranteed!

May Allah Ta’ala grant us all aafiyat and make our hardships easy for us. Ameen, ya Rabbal ‘Aalameen.

Glad Tidings For The One Who Is Ill

Illness is something which we quite simply have no control over. Depending on the severity of the illness, a person can range from being merely annoyed to utterly distraught. However, let there be glad tidings for that slave who falls ill as Allah Ta’ala uses this illness as an excuse so as to expiate the sins of His slave.

How amazing is it that Allah Ta’ala has given us something positive in something which we dislike. There are many such examples in our Deen where Allah Ta’ala has exalted our status through something which is normally perceived as being disliked and petty. For example, if a person was to prostrate to another man, this would be a complete and utter disgrace. It would show the weakness, frailty and feebleness in a person that he is taking his forehead and placing it at the feet of another person. This idea of lowering one’s head for another can seem quite disgraceful however we prostrate towards Allah Ta’ala by taking the most honoured place of our body (i.e. our forehead from where we thinks and understand) and we place it on the floor by which Allah Ta’ala honours us with Jannah. Allah Ta’ala has made honour for us in something which people would normally perceive as being wrong. In the same way, Allah Ta’ala has favoured us and honoured us even when we are ill. Being ill is something that we obviously do not like but even whilst being ill, our sins are wiped away and our rewards are increased.

Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “A Muslim does not encounter fatigue, tiredness, concern, sorrow, injury or grief, or even a thorn which pricks him without Allah expiating his errors for him by that." Subhanallah! Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam has mentioned several odd problems that could befall a Muslim and in every single one of them there is forgiveness from sins. The general idea here is that anything which displeases a Muslim is a source of mercy for him. Likewise, Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam also said, “Affliction will continue to trouble the believers, men and women, in their bodies, their families and their property until they meet Allah Ta’ala purified of every wrong action."

Furthermore, illness is a sign of a person’s belief in Allah Ta’ala. Once, Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam was discussing illness when a person asked, “What is illness? For I swear by Allah, I have never been ill!” Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “Leave us! For indeed you are not one of us!” This is said because Allah Ta’ala gives illness to a person in order to wipe away his sin. In a narration mentioned in Abu Dawud, it is indicated that when a slave does not have the ability to do good deeds which will enter him into Jannah, Allah Ta’ala afflicts him with some temporary sadness or illness through which his sins will be erased and his good deeds increased. As a result, he is entered into Jannah. Again, Allah Ta’ala is looking excuse to forgive us. Thus, if a person falls ill, he should praise Allah Ta’ala in his heart and be happy that he has some sign of Iman within him.

One a Bedouin came into the company of Rasulullah salalallahu alayhi wasallam; Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam asked, “'Has Umm Mildam (fever) got hold of you?” The Bedouin replied, “What is Umm Mildam?” Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “It is the heat between the skin and the flesh.' The Bedouin said, “No.” Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “Have you got a headache?” “What is headache?” the Bedouin asked. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam replied, “It is wind which gets into the head and beats the veins.” The Bedouin replied, “No (I have not experienced this). When he stood up, Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “Whoever wants to look at a man who is one of the people of the Fire (i.e. let them look at that man.)”

In fact, on a side note, one hadith related in Tabrani, “Never does a Muslim get a headache except that Allah Ta’ala expiates his sin, writes for him rewards and elevates his rank.”

The bottom line here is that we should always ask Allah Ta’ala for security in our life. We should always make the dua, “O Allah, I ask you for forgiveness and security, in my religion, worldly life and hereafter.” Likewise, “O Allah, I ask you for to safe-keep my ears, my eyes and my body.” We should not hope for illness, rather we should take its coming as a sign of forgiveness from Allah Ta’ala.

Finally, my eyes fell over a nice piece on visiting the sick person written by Sheikh Fadhl ullahi Al-Jeelaani in his commentary Fadhl Allahi As-Samad fi Towdeehi Al-Adab Al Mufrad. If we visit a sick person, we should try to adhere to the following 10 points:

1. He does not face the door directly when asking for permission to enter. (i.e. he is not trying to be nosy and see what is going on inside).

2. He opens and closes the door softly. (i.e. He doesn’t start banging doors and disturbing people.)

3. He does not try to remain anonymous. (i.e. When a person is asked, “Who is it?” he doesn’t respond by saying, “Me!”. This brings no clarity and is a source of annoyance to the sick person as well as those around him).

4. He should not come at an inappropriate time. (i.e. he should not come when it is obvious the sick person needs feeding etc).

5. He should not sit for too long except when it pleases the sick person. (i.e. sometimes, people overstay their visit and this over burdens the sick person but he may feel too shy to say anything. He may need some rest in order to preserve his energy but sometimes, useless chatter diminishes this. However, the case of a person who pleases the heart is different. Generally, when the beloved is near, the heart forgets all of it's sorrows. On a side note, I remember one brief story of Layla & Majnoo. Majnoo was so infatuated on Layla that news of this came to the Qadhi (judge) who immediately stipulated 100 lashes (whipping, pitai) for Majnoo. As a result, Majnoo was hit 100 times but to the amazement of the people, he did not let out a single yell. It was as if he was in a trance; however, when he was hit with the last lash, he let out an almighty yell! The people were amazed and thus asked him, "You received 99 lashes and did not utter even whimper but on the 100th lash, you screamed so loud?! Why is this?!" He replied, "My beloved Layla was watching me from her balcony and I was looking at her. Whilst she was there, I was lost in her and so I did not feel any pain; on the 99th whip, she turned and left as the punishment was to end. When she left, I came back to reality." Thus, it is always nice to have the beloved visit when one is sick.)

6. He should lower his gaze from the sick person (i.e. if the person has some apparent illness on the body, the visitor should not fix his eyes upon it as if to show some shock. :-| <-- like that)

7. He should not question the sick person excessively. (i.e. this can become tiresome).

8. He should show sympathy. (i.e. sympathy shows softness and care).

9. He should make sincere dua.

10. He should give him some words of encouragement so it strengthens the ill person’s resolve. (i.e. many people go and visit the sick people and instead of giving them encouragement, they say, “Oh dear! You look terrible!” This doesn’t do any good to the moral of the ill person; rather it convinces him that he is in a truly poor state. This in effect gives a huge psychological blow to the ill person and at times can break his resolve. Thus we should give words of encouragement to build the resolve of the sick person).

May Allah Ta’ala give us all good health. Ameen.

Royal Characteristics After Marriage

Due to the Royal Wedding which has occured, I felt it ideal to post something in relation to wedlock. Once a person is married, he will have to adapt his ways in order to get along with his partner. It is for this reason that I have translated a few chapters from Tuhfatuz Zawjayn by Hazrat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi rahimahullah. He mentions some really nice and beautiful points. The last part is a brief account of Hazrat Maulana Thanwi's own behaviour inside his household.

Speaking to your wife and keeping her happy is also her right

Some people are such that they are referred to as respected elders or obedient followers of a respected elder. They are fully engiaged in prayer, fasting, zikr etc and it is as if they are purchasing their place in Jannah through their worship. However, these people are such that they remain ignorant of the rights of their wife.

Remember! It is also the right of your wife that you fix a time for her in which you can speak to her in order to listen to her problems and her joys. It is also her right that you have heart to heart with her so that she remains happy but it is unfortunate that many religious and less religious people remain ignorant with regards to this and thus do not fulfil this right of the spouse. These people are such that they think the only thing that they have to do is provide food and clothing for their wife!

Buying gifts for your wife without reason and feeding her with your hands

If a person purchases something for his wife without any reason to do so then that will not be considered to be extravagance. This is because making the heart of your wife happy is what is needed. However, there is also the condition that a person doesn’t incur a debt upon himself greater than he can satisfy.

And to feed the wife some food is also good, Allah Ta’ala places reward in this.

Hazrat Thanwi and his beautiful conduct with the women of his house

“It is not something which should be mentioned but out of necessity I will tell you as to how I run my household and how I take assistance from the people of my house.

Alhamdulillah, I am not suppressed and nor do I suppress anyone in my household and still, I live the life of a king. My habit is this that when I go home, I check if there is fresh chapatti; if it hasn’t been made, I eat the stale chapatti. Many a times I see that my wife is busy with something so I take the chapatti with my own hands and I take some water with me also. I then take a plate and poor curry into the plate and sit down to eat. If she is making chapatti, I ask her if she needs anything as sometimes, water is needed. If this is the case, I go to the sink or well and fill a bucket of water for her. Sometimes, if she is free, I ask her to bring me the food and that poor girl brings it for me (i.e. Hazrat Thanwi is showing his compassion for his wife that she assists him without making any complaint). It is important for a person to see whether she is busy or not as a person does not remain in the same state all the time.

I tend to get less sleep at night and so after observing my wife for a while, I get up and make thanks to Allah Ta’ala that at least He gave her sleep. Otherwise two sadness’s would be joined together (i.e. one sadness for me not being able to sleep and one sadness for her not being able to sleep).

Then when I am leaving my house, I ask her if there is anything she would like me to do for her. If she says that there is nothing for me to do, I go about my business and if she tells me that there is some work that needs taking care of, I do it. For example, if she wants me to write a letter, I will finish this job and then leave.

Nowadays, many people in our society say that having a wife means a life of friendship! O naive people! Do you even fulfil any rights of friendship or do you just use this term as a (flowery) word? It is only shown by your actions whether or not you have taken that poor girl to be your friend."

May Allah Ta'ala give us the ability to inculcate within ourselves beautiful characteristics which perfume the houses we live in and bring joy to the people we spend time with. May He give us the ability to cherish one another. Ameen, ya Rabbal 'Aalameen.

How to Keep a Low Profile & Keeping Away Unwanted Attention

Many people want to keep a low profile with regards to themselves but they simply do not know how to. Some people make sincere intentions that they will keep themselves unknown only to reappear a few months later and become well-known once more. A person can get attention for a variety of reasons; sometimes a person could have done something amazingly praiseworthy which attracts the admiration of his peers and the jealousy of others. Sometimes a person could have done something shockingly inappropriate which attracts the attention of everybody around him. Similarly, a person who wears trendy and stylish clothes is immediately recognised and likewise, a person who smells and dresses up badly also gains some recognition for the wrong reasons. The basic point made here is that attention comes through various ways and finds its way to the door of a person sooner or later.

How can a person maintain a low profile? Different things apply to the two genders. Below is a list of ways a person can keep himself ‘off the radar’ so as to speak.

- Make a strong intention that you want to keep yourself to yourself and not be known among the people. The stronger your intention is, the more Allah Ta’ala will help you attain your goal.

- Get rid of your Facebook! As soon as a person signs up to Facebook, he instantly brings himself attention. It is amazing how people are willing to share there every action with people whom they may not even know properly. How is it possible that a person announces to the entire world ‘Fulan is now going to the toilet’?! And then not expect attention? It is shameful for a person to write acts about his every action! It is needless telling people all these things. If a person is going to share his life with the entire world, what remains for himself and his loved ones? Some people who have these applications on their phones then send messages from the most inappropriate of places! Is it really appropriate to write a Facebook status whilst attending somebody’s Janazah? It is for this reason one of my friends tends to call this type of behaviour ‘Shamebook’. Facebook may have benefits but its negatives are far greater. For some, closing their Facebook may be a bit extreme but for those whose hearts have been opened by guidance from Allah Ta’ala, they will immediately recognise their Facebook to be a waste of time. Note: Once it is closed, keep it that way. It can be tempting to return to it and see the latest gossip but a person must have self discipline. Constantly remind yourself what your aim is. Also, there is no need to announce on Facebook that you are leaving. Some people forget that their aim is to keep attention away from them and before deactivating their account they write a big message saying, “Fulan is now leaving Facebook! Goodbye all, it was nice knowing you!” There is no need for an announcement! This will cause a person to delay and wait to see what people have to say. When people become alerted, they will rush to send a message. The basis of all this is unwanted attention that could have been avoided. If deleting Facebook is totally out of the equation then at least limit those with whom you speak to through it. If you are using it to keep in touch with a few special friends then keep it that way. There is no need to keep 277 friends when you speak to only a handful.

- Limit your use of MSN Messenger. Sometimes, people genuinely need to use MSN to speak to family members or loved ones who may be in different countries and this is fine. However, it is important to limit the contacts who are available. Sometimes people have 200 contacts but only speak to 10. If this is the case then only keep 10. If we just sat back and had a look at our MSN Messenger contacts list, we will notice that the majority of those who we have on our account are barely spoken to anyway. If this is the case, then get rid of the excess.

- Keep your voice down when you are around others. Sometimes people are loud by tendency but caution should be taken with this. Some people on the other hand are loud because they want to be heard. How many times have we walked down a road or sat on a bus only to hear the conversation of another person without even wanting to? A person should try their utmost to socialise in a modest and humble manner. Aishah radiallahu anha would mention that Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam was not rude or vulgar and he didn’t pretend to be immoral either; neither did he shout in market places. This is a great example for us, we walk up and down the road screaming and hollering but respect is when a person is quiet. The louder a person is, the more he is considered to be bizarre by the people around him.

- The above point is especially useful for women. There are many women who tend to be loud and bubbly and as a result, they cause a lot of unneeded attention towards themselves. There was once a time where the tongues of women were eloquent and free from swearing and vulgarity. It is unfortunate to see young Muslim women openly screaming all sorts of abuse in colleges and universities. That is not to say all women are like that, there are still women today who are role models for even men because of their beautiful characteristics. A woman is most attractive when her words are of a soft and sweet nature. It does not befit a rose that it gives of stench so then how is it possible for a woman that she spits out abuse?

- Avoid going into places which will cause recognition. Many people like to go to Shisha cafes and specific clubs but what this can bring unwanted attention. Many people who go to places like these are determined to mingle with others. These places are best left alone.

- Keep a small amount of pious friends. Many people like to mix with different groups of friends during different days of the week. This is incorrect as his name becomes famed. It is better to keep a small group of friends who will come to a person’s aid. A person who is married should especially limit his friends. His best friend should be his wife. In a prior post (Click Here) we spoke of the husband being the mureed of his wife; and rightly so, it is better to be the mureed of lifelong friend than a whole host of friends. Also, when a person keeps friends who are idiots, they tend to spill his secrets and make him well known.

- Limit your time out of the house. Some people go out and loiter around shopping malls and parks just to see what is going on. This again is unnecessary and should be avoided.

- Don’t wear dazzling clothes. As a Muslim we are encouraged to dress well and wear nice clothes if we are able to do so. Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. However, there is a huge difference between elegance and show-stopping glitz! We should be elegant in our clothing but not glamorous. Many people want to be seen as they cross the road so they will wear a shocking blue t-shirt or more jewellery then people keep in the shops! This again is incorrect. Beauty is in simplicity and we see this in the life of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. His attire was elegant but it was simple at the same time. It was not heavily designed but rather it was kept plain and clean. Many people will now say that they didn’t have fashionable and heavily designed material in those times but this is totally incorrect. The merchants of Arabia would constantly trade with the Romans and Persians in order to bring beautiful clothing to Arabia but this would never tempt Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. Once Umar radiallahu anhu saw Rasulullah’s salallahu alahyhi wa salam state and began to weep. When asked as to why he cries he said, “I swear by Allah! I do not cry except that because I know that you are more exalted in the sight of Allah then the emperor of Persia and the Caesar of Rome. And they are both are enjoying in the pleasures of the world, whilst you, O Rasulullah are in this state that I am seeing you in.” Upon this Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam said, “What is with me and this world? (i.e. what do I care about this world?)”

- Sisters are also encouraged to not wear clothes which can bring attention to their beauty. Men are naturally rugged and sometimes, a person needs to look for a long time to see any beauty. On the other hand, women are naturally created with attractive features and can instantly catch eyes if attention is brought to them. This is not to say that women should not dress up and remain in a filthy state. Rather, a women should dress up well but should not make herself alluring by wearing colours which make her more luminous than the lollipop lady.

- Conceal your good deeds like the way you would conceal your bad deeds.

Our pious predecessors and elders disliked fame and glory. They were very simple people; there aim was to live a simple life on this planet and then return to Allah Ta’ala. There walking, talking and living in general was very basic and they did not have any desire to be known and celebrated. Hazrat Bishr ibn al Harith rahimahullah would say, “I do not know of a single man who loves fame except that he loses his religion and becomes disgraced. No-one who has fear of Allah, loves to be known amongst the people.” Let us ponder carefully over this statement. When a person begins to love fame and popularity, he thrives on serving the people in all affairs. When he speaks, he speaks for their praise; when he prays, he hopes for the approval; when he does any good, it is for their admiration. It is better to keep low profile and remain unknown. The more fame a person gets, the more opposition he gets. Every person would like to make the person beside him think in a similar way but this is not possible.

There are many more ways to keep low profile but the post is already long as it is. Inshallah if time permits, I will continue with this at another time.

May Allah Ta’ala give us the ability to become sincere servants of His. Ameen.

A Wife's Certificate

Taken from: Ashrafiya

'Arif billah Dr. Abdul Hayy ‘Arifi (Allah have mercy on him) said;

“Brethren! If you want to get a certification and approval for your knowledge obtain it from a Darululoom (maderassa) but for the achievements in tareeqat (i.e. getting rid of blame worthy moral traits like anger, pride, show off etc. & acquisition of praiseworthy moral traits like sincerity, humility, patience, etc.) get it from your wife, because she really knows you (inside out).”

Malfoozat-e-Arifi page 216

Being Down To Earth & Knowing One's Worth

Hazrat Maulana Zakariyya sahib would often say, “Know your worth.” In today’s society, that basically translates to “be down to earth”. Different people have different things to boast about. Some people take pride in worldly gains, cars, money etc and then others take pride in religious gains such as knowledge, worship etc. When a person begins to accumulate things which he considers to be extra ordinary, he convinces himself that he is in fact, extra ordinary. When such thoughts and ideas flow through the veins of a person, he begins to feel that every act he does is pioneering. Such a person is in need of becoming down to earth. His ideas in regards to himself has made his two feet leave the ground and he no longer lives on the same planet as everybody else. He feels that different rules apply to him due to his superiority and as a result of these nasty characteristics, people will look at him as being arrogant, haughty and conceited. The reality is, that is precisely what he has become. Once a person becomes known as arrogant and haughty, it is extremely hard for him break this image and become known as a humble person. On the contrary, a person who is ‘down to earth’, who understands ‘his worth’ and meets with people in such a manner that they see him as equal to themselves despite his superiority in worldly/religious gains; he becomes loved by all.

The great Imam Malik rahimahullah was once questioned by a person who had travelled at great lengths to meet him. Imam Malik rahimahullah responded to his question with the answer, “I do not know the answer to your question.” The man was in shock exclaimed, “What will I tell my people?!” and Imam Malik rahimaullah merely finished the conversation with, “Tell them that Malik has admitted to his ignorance.”

This is the humility of a man who was the Imam of Madinatul Munawwara! Despite his vast array of knowledge and his incredible intellect, he still claimed that he didn’t know anything! This was because he learnt knowledge and that knowledge taught him to become humble. There are others who learn knowledge and then use that knowledge to become arrogant. Just look at Shaytan khabees, he learned knowledge with regards to the elements and with regards to fire and clay; he then used that arrogantly and he became mal’oon (one who is cursed).

Be down to earth and a person will be walking on the footsteps of the pious predecessors of this nation like Imam Malik and on the other side, a person can convince himself that he is something and as a result he will be walking on the same path as Shaytan towards the fire.

May Allah Ta’ala give us all the ability to know our worth and give us the ability to become down to earth. Ameen.

Respect for Islamic Books

Many of us have Islamic books in our houses and rooms. We find that as we get more interested in Islam, the literature we purchase also increases. However, many of us lack the correct etiquettes on how to behave witch such books and sadly we see them lying around the house, next to the toaster in the kitchen or used as a coaster in the living room.

The reality is that these books are of great importance and deserved of enormous respect due to the writings within them. Often we will find the blessed name of Allah ‘azza wa jal and Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam written inside. Many books have Qur’anic verses and ahadith and thus are books of a venerated nature. The more respect we show these books, the more we will be able to benefit from them. The more disrespect we show them, the less we will gain from them. It does not befit a book of such a stature that it be left next to the toaster in the kitchen, rather it should deserve a place on a accessible, clean shelf. Such books should be handled with care.

The books which are studied in classical madressas usually have the main text in the center of the page and the commentary/footnotes are carefully etched all around the sides of the page. These annotations are sometimes upside down and at angles which are hard to read. Allamah Anwar Shah Kashmiri rahimahullah would have such respect for his books that in order to read these annotations, he would never move the book that was in front of him but rather he would move himself around the book if he wanted to read something which was written upside down. Such respect for his books contributed highly into making him one of the greatest scholars to have ever emanated from the sub continent.

Similar is the case of the king Bahadur Shah Zafar. After his death, somebody saw him in a dream and asked him, “O King! How did you fare in front of Allah Ta’ala?” He said, “Allah Ta’ala forgave me and he was very kind to me.” The person asked, “Is the reason because you were a very just king and ruler?” The king replied, “No, it was because of one incident that Allah Ta’ala liked so much. I was on a journey and I came to a resting place and we stopped there and when I was about to sleep on my bed, I noticed that on the shelf there was a Qur’an and I couldn’t spread my legs towards the Qur’an. I immediately stood up and sat straight. Now I thought that I would move the Qur’an from there and put it somewhere else but I thought no, I should not do that for the sake of my own rest. So, I tried to turn around and slept the other way but I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I was sitting down; sometimes I was in some other posture until I spent the whole night in a sleepless state because of the respect of the Qur’an. I did not move the Qur’an for my own sake and I couldn’t sleep on the other side. So Allah Ta’ala said to me, “O Zafar! I liked this deed of yours so much that because of that, I am forgiving you.”

Today we consider such things such a trivial matter but when we look at our elders, we see an intense and burning love for books which are of a deeni nature. It is very important to become humble in front of such books. Many of us out of ignorance and disrespect sleep with our feet pointing towards Islamic books. There was a time where sleep in this manner would be unbearable but today, we are happy to place our feet towards deeni books and then sleep like a grizzly bear with full on snoring.

Similar is the case of sleeping in a high position whilst the books are lower than the feet of a person. It should not be the case that a person sleeps on such a high bedding that there are books on his shelf/desktop etc which are lower than his feet. If possible, he should lower his bed so that he is closer towards the floor and if he cannot do this, then he should look to sleep in another room. If that is really hard then he should ensure that the books are kept in another place where they will not be disrespected.

The following bullet points will inshallah be of benefit:

• Keep your Islamic books in high, dust-free shelves.
• Keep them nicely arranged starting with Qur'anic related books, Hadith related books then Fiqh related books and so on.
• Keep them in good condition.
• Do not use them for any other purpose other than what they are meant for. No 'coaster-ing!'
• Do not keep them in places which denote disgrace, i.e. below the feet.
• Do not point your feet towards Islamic books when you sleep.
• Hold the Islamic books with your right hand as this is the hand of respect.
• Try to maintain wudhu when reading such books. Although it is not necessary, it will be better and respectful. (Note: it is compulsory for one to have wudhu before physically handling the Qur'an)
• When you are carrying a book, carry it above your waist.
• Use nice bags when carrying Islamic books, not just a ripped Tesco bag!
• If one has many books and shelves in proportion to them, then make sure the room in which they are kept is clean and fragranced well.

Finally, I finish on a statement that our teachers would tell us, "Whomsoever acquired anything in this world did so by respect (adab). And whomsoever lost something in this world did so because of (a lack of) respect."

May Allah Ta'ala give us the ability to revere everything which is deserved of respect. Ameen.

Infatuation in Islam (Part 2) - Curing the Problem

The topic of infatuation is a very strange matter. I have already highlighted the problem and the illness which branch out from this feeling (this article can be read by clicking here). Sometimes, the hardest obstacle to overcome is the mind. When the mind has conceded that the body has a problem, man has already lost half the battle. Janan Begum rahmatullahi alayha was a great poet, her husband died at quite a young age and she led the rest of her life as a widow. She never forgot her beloved and was always in his remembrance. About infatuation she once wrote,

“How can a lover conceal his infatuation from the eyes of people,
when both of his eyes are bleeding to disclose his secret love.”

When the mind has conceded that it has been taken over by the remembrance of the beloved, it is really hard to break this train of thought. It requires a person to dig deep inside of himself and strengthen his resolve. I have decided to counter the illnesses that I wrote towards the end of the last article; then wherever necessary, I will add whatever else needs to be mentioned inshallah.

Strengthening one’s resolve

For any difficult goal to be achieved, a person needs to have determination.

Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam said, “Actions are by intentions, and for every man is what he intended.” A person will go as far as his intention; if his intention was one of huge determination, then he will continue to reach the goal despite facing various hardships along the way. On the contrary, if a person’s intention was weak, his determination and resolve will crumble at the first hardship faced in reaching his goal. As a result, he will be left unsuccessful and will continue to try finding new ways of attaining his intended target. The reality is, when battling diseases of the mind and heart, nothing is easy. There is no shortcut, there is no side road which a person can use during testing times, rather everything is done by clenching the fists and getting on with the job. They key principle is, “Never lose courage”. Always keep on going even if it feels a mountain trek in the beginning. Sooner or later, the tawajjuh (attention) of Allah Ta’ala falls upon His slave which results in mass progress. In our context, this means that a person should immediately slap himself (not literally) and leave the thoughts surround the desired one. During times of frustration, such strong feelings may come back but a person should not feel hopelessness, rather he should pick himself up and try again. The resolve should be such that a person feels inside of his heart, “Even if I die, I am going to get this khabees out of my mind and heart!” Such strong resolve is loved by Allah Ta’ala who in turn sees the mujjahadah (effort and struggle) of His slave. Consequently, Allah Ta’ala gives the slave the ability to fulfil his task.

Remedies to the illness mentioned in the previous article:

Constantly being self conscious – The remedy to this is to avoid trying to look good. One who is suffering from this ailment should wake up and roll out of his house without over elaborating his looks. This doesn’t mean he goes to college, university, work with a creased up khurta pyjama! Rather, he wears whatever he finds in his hand. He should not think to himself, “I am going to wear a dark colour because it makes me look mysterious!” The main objective here is not to make much of an effort, after continuously doing this he will not care whether he looks ugly or not as he has nobody to impress. Thus, by not impressing the beloved, he begins decrease in love and concentration for her.

Feeling of being unattractive if ignored – feeling unattractive can be from the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala especially in our day and age. Sometimes when people know that they are appealing to the other gender, they tend to go by the proverb, “If you’ve got it, then flaunt it!” and thus a person will wear his/her clothing in a manipulative way. When a person feels unattractive, it can prevent him into going into illicit relationships. His esteem is fragile with regards to interacting with the opposite sex and before he even begins to be flirtatious, he will remind himself, “Yaar..you are the ugly duckling, why would a girl of her calibre be interested in you?!” As a result, this mindset will overpower the want of doing haraam. When a person starts feeling unattractive due to being ignored, he should constantly remind himself, “This person is not my spouse and my beauty will only be for her. What difference does it make to me if this person doesn’t think I am attractive, it is not like I am going to spend the rest of my life with them.” Thus when a person doesn’t receive the attention he was hoping for, he should not feel lowly but should rather pass it off and feel that the only opinion worthy of his time is that of the one he will marry and remain with.

Depression – Depression often stems from loneliness and isolation. Depression feeds on the frailties of the mind and the weaknesses of the heart. As a result, a person finds solitude only in his sorrow. It is a vicious circle which revolves around anguish. It is important to spend as much time with good friends, going out and playing football and having a general laugh. If a person finds that he is constantly falling into sorrow and his eyes are burning with tears, he should do things which cheer him up even if it means forcing oneself. Sometimes, a person finds such happiness in his friends, our friends are always people we look to and smile with. It is important to be with them. Another way is to spend time in dua’a, speaking to Allah Ta’ala about your problems. Explain the contents of your heart by telling Allah Ta’ala the story from the beginning to the end. He hears and understands everything, even the whispers of the heart. Reading Qur’an and Islamic literature can also prove to be beneficial.

Sleepless nights – please read the article Goodnight, Sleep Tight.

Unstable thoughts – These thoughts are from Shaytaan. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam has given us the remedy for such thoughts. We must say Ta’wuz (A’uzu billahi min ash shaytaanir rajeem) and then change our thoughts. This can be done best by engaging in zikr. Let a person constantly say “Astagfirullah” (O Allah! Forgive me). One should also reflect on his selfishness which is being portrayed by his desire to cause unrest in the lives of others. More details can be read by viewing the following article: Origins of Evil Thoughts

Mood Swings - This is perhaps one of the hardest ailments to get rid off due to the unpredictable nature of a person. Imam Shafi’ rahimahullah would write, “The heart is only called the heart because of its rapid change.” Different things that happen in our life change us. Sometimes this is caused due to factors within our control (such as our own actions) and at other times these changes are caused by factors which are outside of our control (such as actions of others or environmental changes). As mentioned in the other post, sometimes the attention of the beloved can send one into ecstasy and likewise a cold look can send one into deep sorrow. The best way to avoid these mood swings is to avoid the beloved altogether. Some people are such that even though they are not in contact with their desired one, they will speak to those who are in an attempt to find out any news about their life. The best thing to do at this juncture is to ignore and leave everything connected to the person at hand. However, it is also important to try one’s best to leave those things which make a person angry, sad or frustrated. These feelings are such that they provoke the feelings of want and miss. A person then goes into a frenzy and due to missing and wanting the beloved, the mood swings occur. When a person feels he is going into a strop, then he must try his best to avoid the people who are dear to him, in such instances, a person can cause damage to the hearts of others and then regret it later. The bottom line here is, one needs to be patient and slowly over time, these mood swings will occur less. When one is frustrated and then begins to miss the beloved, it is important to busy the mind with something else...go play a nice golf game on Playstation.

Anger – Anger is such a thing which can emanate from mood swings. My respected ustaadh Hazrat Maulana Abdur Rahim Sahib once mentioned,

غصہ کا آنا برا نہيں – غصہ کو لانا اور غصہ نکالنا برا ہے
“The coming of anger is not a bad thing... bringing anger (by force) and then taking it out (on others) is bad”

He then continued, “Anger is sometimes good. Allah Ta’ala gave it to us so we can protect ourselves otherwise we wouldn’t care about what happened to us or our families. So as long as a person is late in getting angry and quick in returning to his normal state he is fine. Also, as long as his anger is not for personal and worldly matters then it and it is for deen, then he is fine too. Remember, “sorry” is the hardest word to say but we should not hesitate to say it when we realise our mistake.”

The advice to a person who is angry is mentioned in the hadith, he should recite Ta’wuz and then do wudhu to cool himself down. If he is standing up then he should sit down and if he is sitting down he should lie down. It is also useful to take deep breaths and blow the matter off. Sometimes, we get annoyed by little things but the main reason of our anger is our infatuation. Then when someone asks, “What is the matter?” we mention the little thing because we are too ashamed to say, “I am more infatuated then Majnoo was on Laila.” Just the way we consider it to be shameful and pitiful when asked about our anger, we should also consider this infatuation to be something lowly and not worthy of getting angry over when we are in a state of calmness. Let’s not blow things out of proportion, that’s one of the greatest crimes a person can do. Though this infatuation maybe something big in your life, nobody other than yourself really cares about it. By constantly remembering this, a person will be able to take a huge weight off of his shoulder and turn it into a feather.

Loss of appetite – Sometimes this can be a great ni’mat of Allah Ta’ala, especially when a person is a bit podgy and has a Krispy Kreme doughnut addiction. The main thing over here is not to starve oneself to the brink of exhaustion but to take healthy amounts of food. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam would eat moderately himself so this is not a bad thing. However, sometimes we hear stories of sisters who become anorexic due to this and refuse to eat. This is not right, Allah Ta’ala has given the body to insaan (mankind) as an amanat (trust). If our friends were to give us a fragile diamond necklace, we would take care of it and polish it every day so that it returns to its rightful owner in a good state. In the same way, we have to look after our body and condition it well so that when we give our body back to Allah Ta’ala, it is not in a bad condition. It being in a bad state reflect the ingratitude of a person. If a person is really struggling, then he/she should try to eat many khujoor (dates) and drink water in abundance too. Inshallah there will be great barkat in this.

Remedies to spiritual ailments:

Laziness in worship – In such a situation, a person has to force himself onto the prayer mat and pray. He has to constantly make the dua, “O Allah Ta’ala, whether I want to or not, pull me by my forehead onto the prayer mat. O Allah, whether I want to or not, pull me towards the Qur’an and make me read it. O Allah, whether I want to worship You or not, make Your worship compelling upon me.” It is also good to find some pious friends and build up a relationship with the mosque. The more a person goes to the mosque for prayers with congregation, the more he builds up an attachment to the house of Allah Ta’ala and the Qur’an itself mentions that such prayer stops a believer from indulging in immoral activities. If a person has a pious, best friend, it is important for him to trust his friend and explain his situation. By seeking his help, he will have someone to help him who is not blinded by love or by the constant natter of shaytaan with regards to the beloved. When a person is infatuated, his eyes are hazed but a person who is not infatuated will see a situation for what it really is; in effect he will be able to come to the right decisions and provide the right help inshallah.

Increase in disobedience – this is similar to laziness in worship however a person may embark on all sorts of immoral activities if this state comes over a person. It is important to force oneself into the company of the pious or the people of the household. Sometimes, a person only gets into bad things because the people around him are behaving in the manner of shayaateen. If a person can stay away from such people, it would be good for him. I once wrote a poem about this:

If a raindrop falls into the ocean, it is catergorised as part of the ocean,
When insaan falls into bad company, then insaan surely becomes known as bad company.
All the negative attributes that you gain thereafter, will cover you like a coat,
Duplicity, audacity and insolence is what your name will be known to connote.
So save yourselves from this complete and utter foppery,
For it is better to be alone than to have evil company.

Staying away from bad company means staying away from drugs, alcohol etc. Staying in good company means staying in the masjid.

Heavy heart – if a person finds that he has a heavy heart then he should make lots of zikr. Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’an, “Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace.” It is easy to zikr, a person can say laa ilaha illallah and astagfirullah whilst walking. The greatest remembrance is the Qur’an. The more a person reads it, the more its nur (light) enters his heart and destroys the darkness which surrounds it. Also, a person should be punctual on his prayers and try to increase his nafli (extra) worship. Tahajjud is something that can draw a person closer to Allah Ta’ala. Once this closeness is found, a person should make dua from the bottom of his heart and cry profusely. If a person cannot cry, then he should make the face of a person who is crying and be in anguish. By enjoying a good old sob, the heart feels light and happy.

Change in personality – it is always important to read about the characteristics of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. He is our role model and his nature was sublime. His conduct was impeccable and he has set for us a shining example. When a person’s characteristics become so foul, it is best to look towards the characteristics of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. Purchase books such as Shamail Tirmizi which is available widely with commentary Khasail Nabawi or the Sublime Conduct of Nabi salallahu alayhi wa salam. A person should also look to get Bay’ah with a Sheikh who can then guide him on the path to perfection. For more information on this, please read the book “Path to Perfection” which has been compiled by Maulana Maseehullah Khan sahib rahimahullah.

Loss of trust in Allah Ta’ala – This is one of the greatest sins a person can do. When a person gets to such a state he should immediately seek repentance, do ta’wuz and slap himself (literally this time). It is important to wake up and smell the coffee. Just because a person does not get his desired object does not give him the right to lose trust in Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala mentions, “It could be that you like something which is bad for you and that you dislike something which is good for you but Allah knows best and you do not.” The reality is, Allah may have better things in store for us which are far greater and virtuous but what He needs from our side is patience and reliance upon Him. Allah Ta’ala is not out to hurt the believers, He is our Friend and Guardian. Never will there be such a day where Allah Ta’ala turns His Countenance away from us and leaves us in despair. This will only happen if we turn our backs on Allah Ta’ala. May Allah Ta’ala protect us from the fitnah of ourselves and never let us be in charge of our own selves for the blink of an eye. Ameen

The ailments are many and the remedies are many. The above is just a feeble attempt to help those whose hearts may be in peril. If there are others who know of methods and solutions that are far more beneficial, then it is my humble request to be shown towards a better advice.

May Allah Ta’ala guard the gates of our heart and fill our hearts only with the love of Allah Ta’ala, His Rasul salallahu alayhi wa salam and those who it is permissible for us to cherish. May He, out of His Benevolence and Kindness help all those who are mystified by this ailment. Ameen.

Cheering Up A Sinful, Sorrowful Heart

Being conscious of the sins that we commit is a great ni’mat and bounty of Allah Ta’ala. We all commit sins on a regular basis and we all see these sins in different ways. However, recognition of a sin is a great characteristic a Muslim should have within himself. By being able to recognise one's disobedience, a person builds up a desire inside of himself to correct things. One of the worst feelings a Muslim can feel is the sorrow of a heart which has disobeyed the commands of Allah Ta’ala. Thus, a concious Muslim will always want to cheer his heart up.

Our hearts have a deep connection with Allah Ta’ala. It is a connection which is deeper and stronger than anything else. Our bodies have been created and fashioned by Allah Ta’ala and naturally there is a connection between the two. The body consciously or subconsciously immediately recognises Allah Ta’ala. For example, a person can be the biggest sinner in the world but when he hears the Qur’an, his heart will immediately be impacted in some way. This impact can be of different degrees. Some people will hear the recital and be wonderstruck; others may hear the Qur’an and may pause for a few seconds before continuing with their day to day matters. The basic point made here is that the body which was created by Allah Ta’ala will always recognise Allah Ta’ala whether we like it or not.

Our every limb has a connection with its Creator and at different times they begin to recognise this. When we are running away from something frightening and come to a dead end, our legs then turn to run towards the safety of Allah Ta’ala. When tears are pouring out of our eyes due to helplessness, we immediately raise these eyes towards the heavens in order to attract the mercy of Allah Ta’ala. When our hands are failing to provide us with good food, we cup our hands in order to supplicate to Allah Ta’ala. When our hearts are in panic and are restless due to various difficulties, we let our hearts be fed with the remembrance of Allah Ta’ala by which it then finds tranquillity. The reality is, deep down inside, our body knows only Allah azza wa jal and our intellect only comprehends this when we are in times of need.

The greatest organ in the body which recognises Allah Ta’ala is the heart. It feels sorrow when we disobey Allah Ta’ala and it feels great joy when we obey Him. In the same manner, Allah Ta’ala has a connection with our hearts. When we do good deeds, He sends mercy down upon it and when we disobey Him, He stains it with a dark dot as mentioned in Surah Mutafiffeen, “But on their hearts is the stain of the (ill) which they do!” When we commit many sins, our hearts become heavy and tainted. This is the reason to the sorrow that we feel. This staining that Allah Ta'ala has given itself is a ni'mat from him. When we see a person doing something wrong, we may tap him on the shoulder by which he understands his actions are incorrect. In the same way, Allah Ta'ala taps us on our heart by which we feel and recognise our actions are wrong.

This sorrow is one of the worst feelings a person can feel. It is such a feeling which can drive a person into depression if he does not understand how to fight it away with good deeds. In turn, this depression leads a person into a state of hopelessness. Allah Ta’ala is so close to His slaves that He comforts the believers in the Qur’an and consoles them so that they do not fall into despair. He says, “Say to those believers of Mine who have transgressed against themselves, despair not the mercy of Allah. Verily, Allah forgives all sins.” In this verse, Allah Ta’ala has indicated that the cause of hopelessness is transgression and disobedience of Allah Ta’ala. And the remedy of this hopelessness is in the forgiveness of Allah Ta’ala. Therefore, if a person would like to wipe away the sorrow of his heart, he must make sincere repentance to Allah Ta’ala and in this way, his heart will begin to polish away the darkness which it accommodates.

Other ways to cheer the heart up:

• Read Qur'an regularly.
• Pray on time and avoid missing prayers intentionally.
• Do not spend too much time watching th TV.
• Make use of time by reading good Islamic books.
• Spend time in the Masjid, go regularly for prayers and build a connection with the Masjid.
• Make dua to Allah Ta'ala, pouring out the contents of your heart.
• Make constant zikr. Zikr gives the heart peaces as mentioned in the Qur'an and cleans up any filth therein.
• Most importantly, ask Allah Ta'ala for forgiveness.

May Allah Ta'ala grant us all the ability to rectify ourselves and may He grant our hearts eternal happiness. Ameen.

Infatuation in Islam - Identifying the Problem

Recently, I have heard the word infatuation being used a lot. I began thinking about what ‘infatuation’ exactly is from an Islamic point of view. I then thought about the difference between infatuation and a mere liking of someone. Slowly but surely, by the grace of Allah Ta’ala, I began to write this article. This article will largely deal with the feeling of infatuation upon the other gender.

According to the dictionary, the word infatuation is defined as ‘an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something’. In many cases however, such infatuation is not short-lived but remains present in a person’s life. It can hide itself within the breasts of mankind for a long period and just when a person thinks it has gone, it can resurface. This will be explained further in due course insha Allah.

It is important at this stage to recognise the difference between merely liking and admiring someone and become infatuated upon someone. When a person merely likes another person, it is just a way of expressing his fondness towards the characteristics or beauty of the person whom he is keen upon. This is quite normal and is felt in many people whether they like to admit it or not. For example, a person may have a work colleague who is really helpful and as a result, that person develops a liking for his colleague's kind nature. Also, a person may have a classmate who is extremely beautiful and by acknowledging her beauty, he may begin to develop a liking for her too. However, this liking remains at a very mellow stage and becomes a ‘want’ rather than a ‘need’.

A ‘want’ is simply something a person would like to have; if he receives it then he is happy and makes use of it till he renders it useless and if he does not receive it, he is briefly disappointed but moves on. A ‘need’ however is something a person must have in order to give himself raahat and peace; if he receives it then he does not want to let it go and if he does not receive it, his heart is in constant ache.

This second type is primarily what ‘infatuation’ is. It is an obsession of such a nature that it traumatises the mind and punishes the heart inhumanely. When a person is ‘infatuated’ upon something, his life becomes unbearable until his obsession is acquired. It is true enough to say that infatuation has different degrees. Some people are affected by it greatly to the extent that there entire life revolves around their fixation and others are affected for only a specific portion of their life and as soon as that time has departed, so too has the fixation. The latter can be exemplified by the situation of a person who is popular in college. Girls may be fixated upon his flash style and his handsome face all year round but as soon as he departs, the fascination these girls felt will also go. This is because he is no longer in view.

Shah Waliullah Dehlwi rahimahullah narrates a hadith in his Arba’in, “Your love for someone can blind you and deafen you.” Infatuation can be on many things. It can be upon following life in certain ways, using specific methods, it can be an intense interest in an enemy etc. Here we will take about the infatuation which is felt in a person when he likes another.

For a person to be infatuated on another person, love and admiration must have entered his heart at some point which stops him from moving on. This is seen quite explicitly in the story of Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam which is mentioned in the Qur’an. The story is a long, detailed one but in brief, Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam was a man of immense beauty and great conduct. The wife of the leader of Egypt (Zuleikha is her name) at that time became infatuated upon Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam and loved him dearly. She was so adamant in starting a relationship with him that she sought to seduce him into committing fornication. Being such a great Nabi of Allah Ta’ala, Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam refused. These events somehow spread throughout the land and the women began gossiping and ridiculing Zuleikha. Zuleikha felt hard done by as nobody except her had witnessed the great beauty and jamaal of Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam. As a result, she organised a banquet wherein Yusuf alayhis salam was put forth in front of the women. They were also given knives and fruit in their hand but when they saw the beauty of Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam, they cut their hands. As a result, Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam was falsely dubbed as a menace to society and was consequently put into prison. He stayed in prison for seven years. It is mentioned by Maulana Hifzurrahman Syuhari rahimahullah, “Once Yusuf alayhis salam was taken into prison, Zuelikha totally took him out of her mind.” For several years, Zuleikha continued with her life and it appeared that she had moved on during this time. The flame of intense love and affection she had for Yusuf alayhis salam appeared to have burnt out. However, after seven years, his name was mentioned in her presence and the infatuation she had rekindled itself and the flame of her love once more began to burn brightly in her heart.

The leader of Egypt began an inquiry as to see what really happened with regards to Yusuf alayhis salam. He wanted to clear Hazrat Yusuf’s alayhis salam name and so he began his ‘trial’. When his name was mentioned in front of Zuleikha, the truth of her infatuation became apparent and she crumbled. After years of being so distant from the one she loved the most, the pangs of separation could no longer be hidden. She immediately admitted her fault and that she was to blame. The Qur’an mentions,

قَالَ مَا خَطۡبُكُنَّ إِذۡ رَٲوَدتُّنَّ يُوسُفَ عَن نَّفۡسِهِۦ‌ۚ قُلۡنَ حَـٰشَ لِلَّهِ مَا عَلِمۡنَا عَلَيۡهِ مِن سُوٓءٍ۬‌ۚ قَالَتِ ٱمۡرَأَتُ ٱلۡعَزِيزِ ٱلۡـَٔـٰنَ حَصۡحَصَ ٱلۡحَقُّ أَنَا۟ رَٲوَدتُّهُ ۥ عَن نَّفۡسِهِۦ وَإِنَّهُ ۥ لَمِنَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ
He (the king) said, “What was your case, O women, when you seduced Yusuf?” They said, .God forbid, we know of no evil in him.” The governor‘s wife said, “Now the truth has come to light. I did seduce him, and he is surely truthful.”

My most dearest and most beloved Hazrat Maulana Abdur Rahim Sahib (May Allah Ta'ala preserve him and reward him in abundance) writes a beautiful explanation to this verse in his tafseer Ahsan al Qasas. He says,

“Zuleikha stood on one side and listened to the replies of the women and acknowledged the innocence and high principles of Yusuf alayhis salam. When they finished, she began, “Now the truth has come to light”. She did not mince her words. Rather she accepted her guilt freely and frankly. She adored Yusuf alayhis salaam in every sense, in words and deed and she wanted the truth to be proclaimed in the open court, before all. So what had happened to her then? She had learnt a lot in sorrow, pain and humiliation. She had learnt the vanity of carnal love. Yusuf alayhis salam, true of heart, calm in every turn of fortune, had taught her to question herself whether, in spite of all her sins she could yet be worthy of him? Perhaps when her husband was dead, and she was a widow. However, she must see whether she could understand love in the sense in which Yusuf alayhis salam would have her understand it, that pure surrender of the self, which is not tainted by earthly matters.”

Thus as I mentioned before, infatuation is not short lived but can resurface at any time. Over here, we have the case of Zuleikha who has gone without Yusuf alayhis salam for years but at his mere return, she once again became dominated by feelings of burning love.

It is about this the poet says,

“Love refuses to hide, although I have tried to conceal it at countless times.
It just returns and settles itself in my courtyard.
When my yearning intensifies, my heart revolves around his remembrance.
Then when I want to get closer to my beloved, he himself draws closer to me.”

Yusuf alayhis salam was the ‘need’ that Zuleikha felt and by being in his company or around his matters, she felt great solace.

Now the question arises that in our day and age, is this type of infatuation on the opposite gender a good thing?

The simple answer is no. It does not befit the characteristics of a Muslim that he places matters of happiness and sadness upon the attention of a person whom he may not even spend the rest of his life. The effects of infatuation can cause many problems both spiritually and mentally. With regards to mentally, here are some;

· Constantly being self conscious – when a person becomes obsessed with someone, he naturally wants to look good in order to catch their eye. Thus he will always try to dress up and look good just in case he bumps into them.

· Feeling of being unattractive if ignored – when a person is ignored or not acknowledged by the person for whom they dressed up, they often feel very low in self esteem and feel unattractive. Sometimes a person may feel that he made such effort only to be blown away.

· Depression – when a person cannot even gain the attention of the person that they are infatuated upon, they begin to live a life of sorrow. Nothing feels worth doing if it is not done with the ‘beloved’.

· Sleepless nights – when a person is infatuated upon a person, he may often suffer sleepless nights just thinking about the other person. He may spend hours upon hours devising plans to be noticed or perhaps fantasize of a day when he is enjoying himself with his fixation.

· Unstable thoughts – A person may think up many ways of perhaps acquiring his obsession. This may lead to unstable and impure thoughts. A person may consider plotting against people or doing absurd things just in order to attain their desired one.

· Mood swings – when a person does not know what to think, he begins to have mood swings. Sometimes when things are going fine, he is in the happiest of moods but at other times he may be extremely depressed. This can perhaps be sparked by small gestures from their ‘beloved’. For example, if the ‘beloved’ merely glances with a smile at them, it may send them in to ecstasy. On the other hand, if the ‘beloved’ glances at them coldly or speaks sharply, they may feel extreme sorrow.

· Anger – when things are not going right and all else is failing. A person tends to get frustrated and begins to bish, bash, bosh.

· Loss of appetite – a person cannot eat despite being hungry. He is constantly in thought of his ‘desired one’. For as long as he feels the pains of separation, he cannot enjoy the other ni’mats and bounties of life.

From among the spiritual ailments are the following:

· Laziness in worship – when a person hits such a sorrowful state, he just does not like to do anything. It is easier to lie down on the bed then to make dua to Allah Ta’ala and thus there will be much negligence in prayer and Qur’an. Sometimes, when a person does not have thing he wants most, everything else feels useless to perform.

· Loss of trust in Allah Ta’ala – when a person does not get what he wants, he begins to question Allah Ta’ala and feel that Allah Ta’ala has deprived him. When his entire life is being shattered, he begins to question what Allah Ta’ala has done for him! May Allah Ta’ala protect us all.

· Increase in disobedience – as a result of this loss of trust, a person begins to commit sins and feels more inclined towards disobedience. A sister who may not be getting noticed by the person whom she is infatuated upon may take off her hijab in order to lure him to her. Due to the pain the heart is feeling, a person may find solace in smoking, drugs, alcohol as it can temporarily numb the pain.

· Heavy heart – as a result of all this disobedience, the heart becomes stained and becomes heavy. A person feels constantly guilty with himself for the constant sin he has gotten himself into.

· Change in personality - when infatuation has affected a person so greatly, his personality begins to change. He become different to the man he once was in many ways. Many negative traints come inside him and his akhlaq (mannerisms) are hugely transformed. A person who was always bashful and cheerful may become miserable. One who was kind may feel stingy. One who always had time for others may push people away from him and the examples go on..

All the aforementioned point to one thing – such infatuation in Islam is forbidden. In no way is it correct for a Muslim to bear all these characteristics with himself. Such foul qualities negate the essence and aura of a Muslim. I have highlighted the problems and in the next post, I will insha Allah write the remedy as I have not thought about it greatly as yet. If anybody has any ideas, please feel free to put your ideas forth. Jazak Allah

May Allah Ta’ala strengthen the doors of our heart and keep the clean with His religion. May He out of His infinite blessings reward all the authors on this blog and those who inspire us to write. May He reward all you for taking time out to learn about His deen. Ameen