Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day

From: Tafseer Raheemi

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3. Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

Translated by Hazrat Maulana Abdul Rahim
Edited by Abdus Subhan

Lesson from Hadith #4

يا ايها النّاس ، قولو قولكم ، فإنّما تشقيق الكلام من الشّيطان
“O people! Say what you have to say! Because speaking excessively is from Shaytan.” [1]

This is quite straightforward to understand. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam is advising a person to be precise and succinct in what he says. By speaking continuously, a person is at risk of being manipulated by Shaytan. The more a person speaks, the bigger the risk is of him making mistakes in his speech. This is due to the whisperings of Shaytan who would encourage the person to continue speaking. Consequently, the person will begin to talk about useless matters and futile things. It is for this reason a poet once said, “If speaking is silver than remaining silent is gold.” It is for this reason Shigni ibn Maati’ al-Asbahi rahimahullah said, “Whoever’s speech increased, his mistakes (also) increased.” A person should be precise in what he wants to say and should not ‘beat around the bush’. Of course, sometimes a person is required to be softer in his words and lengthen them so that he does not cause offence or hurt. It would be totally incorrect for a person to merely tell another, “Your father has died.” And then leave him in this state. Rather, he should explain to him in a sympathetic and caring manner give him a lengthy yet precise account of the matter at hand.

[1] Adabul Mufrad: Hadith #875

Lesson from Hadith #3

اني لم ابعث لعّانا ،و لكن بعث رحمة
“Certainly, I have not been sent to curse anyone but rather, I have been sent as a mercy.”[1]

The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam was once asked, “Ya Rasulullah! Invoke a curse upon the polytheists.” It was upon this request that he exclaimed, “Certainly, I have not been sent to curse anyone but rather, I have been sent as a mercy.”

The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam was sent with the hardest mission in a time which people were delved into the darkness of ignorance. It was important for him to gather support and this was done largely by his beautiful characteristics and merciful nature towards people. Once the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam was displeased but rather than hollering and cursing he showed compassion and forgiveness. It is about this Allah Ta'ala says in the Qur’an, “It was a mercy of Allah that you were soft and gentle with them. If you were rude, harsh, hard hearted, then they would have fled away from you.” (3:159)

This hadith indicates that we should not invoke curses on anyone, rather we should be tolerant. In our day and age, we are unfortunately pressurised that we must accommodate people who enjoying calling other Muslims 'kaafir' and 'munafiqs', it is important for these people to take a step back and recognise exactly what type of person Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam was.

The tongue tends to move very quickly but we should try our best not to wish bad upon anyone, even in states of deep anger and displeasure. Tolerance is truly a great characteristic; whomsoever has the ability to develop it within himself should do so.

This hadith also indicates that the impression given off from a Muslim should be one of compassion, towards Muslims and non Muslims.

[1] Adabul Mufrad: Hadith #332

Lesson from Hadith #2

ليس المؤمن بالطّعان و لا اللّعّان و لا الفاحش و لا الباذيّ

“A believer is not one who taunts, nor one who curses, nor one who is immoral nor one who indulges in shameless talk ”[1]

By the term believer, a complete Muslim is insinuated. For only a complete Muslim can stay away from the temptations of the mouth. There are many people who have a bad habit of taunting people and causing them hurt. This is not from the characteristics of a believer or from a well mannered human being. To joke and taunt about someone in jest is a great sin and must be abstained from. Further, many have the habit of cursing straight away. If something does not go to plan, they instantly curse the object or the person that was the cause of it. This too is a very habit.

Finally, the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam mentions that a Muslim is not an immoral person. Immorality and rudeness are very bad characteristics as they bring pride into a person. A person who is immoral is at a stage where he feels he can do or say anything as he has ripped the veil of shyness from himself. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam has mentioned taunting first in this hadith. Often, when a person taunts in abundance, he is paving the way towards the next sin mentioned in this hadith which is cursing. It almost feels natural for a person to continue into this new field. Thereafter, when a person’s mouth becomes so foul that he is abusive and full of curses, he loses the fear of being considered immoral as his pride makes him feel that he is superior. Thus this takes him into immorality and when a person reaches this juncture, he delves into shameless speech as has no consciousness of his deeds.

[1] Adabul Mufrad: Hadith #332 pg 262

Lesson from Hadith #1

لا يشكر الله من لا يشكر النّاس

“He who is not thankful to people is not thankful to Allah.” (Al Adabul Mufrad)

In order to thank people, one must use his mouth and show full gratitude. A person can show his gratefulness to people through actions by giving gifts etc but for a person to really show his thankfulness and gratefulness he must show it by the way of speech. It is speech which makes man different to an animal. If a person gave a monkey a banana, the monkey wouldn’t be able to say, “Cheers!” this is because Allah has not honoured the monkey with speech. However, Allah has honoured mankind with speech so that he can use his tongue to show his gratitude to his Creator. Part of showing this gratitude to Allah is by being thankful to people. When a person says “Thank you, May Allah reward you with something better” he is bringing pleasure to the person who helped him. If a person does not have the capability to show this thanks, then what is the difference between him and a monkey?

Quotes #1

I have compiled some quotes of the akaabireen. So many pearls have been passed down from them and so I have put a selection of some of my favourites. Inshallah more will come in future. The source of these quotes are from the following books: Futuhushaam, Ta'teerul Anfaas min Hadeethil Ikhlaas, Diwaan, Ahsan al Qasas, Chosen Souls, and Scattered Pearls.

Hazrat Abu Ubaydah radiallahu ta’ala anhu moments before his death: "Let me give you some advice, which will cause you to be on the path of goodness always. Establish prayer, fast [in] the month of Ramadan, give charity, perform the Hajj and Umrah, remain united and support one another. Be sincere to your commanders and do not conceal anything from them. Don't let the world destroy you for, even if man were to live a thousand years, he would still end up with this state that you see me in. Peace be upon you and the mercy of God."

Hazrat Muadh ibn Jabal radiallahu anhu moments after his (Hazrat Abu Ubaydah's radiallahu anhu) death: "O people, you are stricken by the death of a man. By God, I don't know whether I have seen a man who had a more righteous heart, who was further from all evil and who was more sincere to people than he. Ask God to shower His mercy on him and God will be merciful to you."

Hazrat Khalid bin Walid radiallahu anhu when he would call out the enemy: “O Enemies of Allah! By Allah, I have come with a group of people who love death the way you love life.”

Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud radiallahu anhu: “O people! Be the springs of knowledge and the lamps of guidance! Stick to your homes and be like a light in the night, revivers of hearts, wearing worn-out clothes, you will then be known by the people of the heavens and be hidden among the people of the earth.”

Hazrat Abu Muhammad Ja’far Saadiq Rahmatullah alayh: Beware of the company of five persons: A liar for you will always be misled by him. A stupid person for even if he intends to benefit you, he will harm you. A miser for he will destroy your valuable time. A coward for he will leave you in the lurch at the time of need. A faasiq (open sinner) for on account of greed, he will betray you for a morsel of food.

He would also say: “Whoever struggles against his evil desires (nafs e ammaarah) for the sake of Allah, finds Allah.”

Hazrat Malik ibn Dinaar rahmatullahi alayh asked, “In what lies the corruption of the people?” Hazrat Hasan Basri rahmatullahi alayh replied, “In the death of the heart.” Hazrat Malik then asked, “What is the death of the heart?” Upon which Hazrat Hasan replied, “The love of the world.”

Hazrat Maulana Ahmad Rashid Gangohi rahmatullahi alayh would say, “Those who wipe the Dunya away from their lives find that the Dunya falls at their feet. And those who go after the Dunya find that they fall at its feet and are then wiped away by the Dunya.”

Hazrat Malik ibn Dinaar rahmatullahi alayh would say: “A man who indulges in idle conversation and remembers Allah little lacks knowledge. His heart is blind and his life is ruined.”

Hazrat Muhammad Waasi’ ramtullahi alayh would say: “It is more difficult guarding the tongue than guarding gold and silver.”

Hazrat Bishr Haafi rahmatullahi alayh would say: “If you are unable to engage in Allah’s worship, at least refrain from disobeying Him.”

A man said to Bishr: “Advise me!” So he said, “Let your mention be unknown…” And Hushib would be found crying saying, “My name has reached the Masjid!”

Hazrat Ibrahim ibn Adham rahmatullahi alayh: “A slave who loves fame has not been truthful to Allah.”

Hazrat Fuzail ibn Iyyaz rahmatullahi alayh: “If you can get by without being known, then do so. What does it bother you that people will not praise you, and what does it bother you that you may be blameworthy in the sight of people if in the Sight of Allah you are praiseworthy?”

Hazrat Imam Shaafi rahmatullahi alayh: “If one of you were to strive with utmost striving to make all the people pleased with him then there is no way for him (i.e. he’ll never be able to do that). So let the servant purify his actions which are between him and Allah Ta’ala.”

He also said: "If a man spreads his secret with his own tongue and blames another... then he is a fool. If his own breast is too narrow to conceal his own secret, then the breast of the one in whom he places it is even narrower."

Qadhi Sanaullah Panipati rahmatullahi alayh: “I do not fear Shaytaan as much as I fear women.”

Hazrat Zunoon Misri rahmatullahi alayh: “He who fears Allah, turns to Allah.”

He would also say: “The sign of sincerity is that you do not become pleased when praised nor are you grieved when criticised.”

Hazrat Bayaazid Bustaami rahmatullahi alayh: “When a man becomes aware of his fault, he attains excellence. I asked Allah for the way to enter into His path. He said, “Abandon your ego and you can enter.””

Hazrat Abdullah ibn Mubarak rahmatullahi alayh: “Behave humbly with those who occupy a lower level than you here on the earth.”

Hazrat Sufyaan Thauri rahmatullahi alayh: “A good act extinguishes the Anger of Allah.”

Hazrat Imam Shaafi rahmatullahi alayh: “Whoever taught you even a little respect, consider him to be your Ustaadh (teacher).”

Hazrat Abu Sulaiman Daaraaee rahmatullahi alayh: “One who speaks without thinking always regrets.”

“Silence is the beautification of the Ulama.”

Hazrat Yazid ibn Abi Habib rahmatullahi alayh: “Indeed from the fitnah of a scholar is that speech should become more pleasing to him than silence and listening.”

A poet says: “Love refuses to hide, although I have tried to conceal it at countless times. It just returns and settles itself in my courtyard. When my yearning intensifies, my heart revolves around his remembrance. Then when I want to get closer to my beloved, he himself draws closer to me.”