Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day

From: Tafseer Raheemi

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3. Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

Translated by Hazrat Maulana Abdul Rahim
Edited by Abdus Subhan

Vanity & Its Harms

You know you have a problem when you can’t stop looking at yourself in the reflection of car windows! When it comes to those people who are beautiful to some degree; people are of perhaps two types. The first type of people are those who are quite simply not bothered by their beauty. They don’t spend hours in front of the mirror grooming themselves; they are happy enough to roll out of bed and go to the shops to pick up a pint of milk. Then there is the second type; those people who cannot leave the house without making sure every inch of their body looks attractive. He/she constantly feels the need to look in the mirror every minute (literally).

The reality is, it is not a bad thing to look good. Rather, it is something that we should give some degree of importance too. As Muslims we are given the example of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam who would always look good and presentable. He would make sure that his blessed body is well fragranced, that his blessed teeth are clean, that his clothes are sparkling and the examples are many.

However, a problem can arise in a person when he becomes obsessed with his/her own looks. Keeping oneself represent able is a good thing but when a person becomes incredibly vain and over taken by one’s own features, it is not something which is lauded. Rather, it can give rise to many negative traits within one’s own self. Vanity can give rise to arrogance; when a person feels he/she is too pretty, they may begin to feel superior to anybody else. This can be seen at the time of marriage; a person might get a proposal from a nice, good looking girl but the boy (who considers himself handsome) will reject her simply because she is not as ‘beautiful’ as he is. When Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam was asked, “What is pride/arrogance?” He replied, “It is to turn away from the truth and to look down on people (i.e. belittle them).” (Bukhari).  Thus, vanity can lead a person to think much in regards to himself and as a result, his ego inflates like a balloon. And just like a balloon, his feet do not remain on the ground.

Secondly, it could cause envy within oneself and within others which doesn’t do one any favours. For example, when a handsome person sees someone who is even more beautiful than he is, he gets jealous and envious. Take the example of a person who is considered beautiful by his community and is constantly praised by the other gender, if another person entered that same community and stole the attention, the vain person would become extremely envious. When a person becomes envious, he may do anything to destroy the other person. Similarly, if a person is regularly trying to look good, he could at times get the wrong attention from the wrong people which could in effect, give him problems. i.e. the entire situation could be reversed and someone may get jealous on him.

Vanity could also bring anger within a person. There are many people who buy rare garments etc and they believe it to be exclusive to themselves. However, one day, they bump in to another person who has the exact same garments and as a result, they become extremely angry. They feel that that particular piece of clothing was meant to be exclusive and as a result, they go ballistic! 

Finally, vanity brings love for this world into the hearts of people.  Once, Malik ibn Dinar rahimahullah asked, "In what lies the corruption of the people?" Hasan al Basi rahimahullah replied, “In the death of the heart." Malik ibn Dinar rahimahullah said, "What is the death of the heart?" Hasan: "The love of the world.” When a person becomes too engaged in materialistic goods he becomes a chamcha for the worldly life, thus, a person loses characteristics of abstinence in his life and the transition from this life to the hereafter becomes harder.

So what can a person do to take vanity out of himself?

1. One should spend very little time in front of the mirror. Literally, force oneself to limit this time.
2. One should leave one’s house without applying makeup/gel etc etc
3. One should try to avoid wearing brand name clothing.
4. Hang around with those people who aren’t vain.

May Allah Ta’ala give us the ability to rectify ourselves. Ameen.

Two Types of Beauty

I have extracted and translated the following  from Rowdhatul Muhibeen by Ibnul Qayyim rahimahullah:

Know that beauty is divided in to two types: (1) exoteric (outward) beauty (2) intrinsic (inward) beauty.

The inward beauty is loved because of itself (i.e. if a person was only inwardly beautiful, that would be enough for him to become loved also). And inward beauty compromises of knowledge, intelligence, generosity, chastity, courage etc. The inward beauty in essence is what Allah Ta’ala focuses upon in relation to his slave and it is the object of His (Allah’s Ta’ala) love. This has been related in the Sahih Hadith, “Indeed, Allah Ta’ala does not look at your appearance or your wealth but rather, he looks at your hearts and your deeds.” (Muslim)

Thereafter, there is the outward appearance; It is the beauty that Allah Ta’ala has specifically given to some (in their appearance) in preference of others. This is known as the increase in mould/creation as Allah Ta’ala says, “And He increases in creation what He wills” (Surah Fatir). Outward beauty compromises of a beautiful voice, a beautiful appearance. It has been narrated in Sahih Muslim from Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam that “A person who has an iota of pride will not enter Jannah.” The companions radiallahu anhum said, “O Rasulullah! Is it considered pride if a man loves that his shoes are nice and that his clothes are nice?” Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “Indeed Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Pride is to turn away from the truth and to belittle people.”

In the way inward beauty is a bounty from Allah, in the same way outward beauty is also a great bounty from Allah Ta’ala. It is something which requires a person to make thanks to Allah Ta’ala for. If the slave thanks Allah Ta’ala by preserving himself and being fearful of falling into Haraam, his beauty will increase. If he uses his beauty in sinful activities than this will affect his outward appearance in some way in the worldly life before the hereafter: His beauty will change into ugliness, whosoever sees him will immediately hate him. Every single person who does not dear Allah ‘azza wa jal in regards to his beauty will find it changed to ugliness in front of the people.

Indeed, inward beauty prevails over being outwardly ugly and this inward beauty guises the ugliness (i.e. nobody realises how ugly the person is because they recognise his character to be so good). And indeed, being inwardly ugly prevails over outward beauty as it guises the outward beauty (i.e. it does not matter how beautiful a person is, if his intrinsic qualities are bad then despite his beauty, everyone will recognise him to be a arrogant pretty boy etc).

A poet says:

“O the one who is beautiful faced, stay away from vulgarity. Do not change your beauty with ugliness.

O the one who is ugly faced, at least be of good character! Do not collect two repulsive attributes together!”

May Allah Ta’ala give us the ability to be inwardly beautiful and use our outward beauty correctly. Ameen. Ya Rabbal Alameen.

Being Gentle...like a butterfly

The idea of being a stoned face, mysterious individual with a sense of firmness sounds appealing to some; when this type of character exudes from a person, a sense of dominance can emanate from within the heart. This eventually leads one to become ill mannered and arrogant which in turn changes a person into a prideful being. As a result, this firmness which seemed to be awe inspiring has now taken a person to the banks of Jahannam. It is for this reason that Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, "Harshness does not exist in something except that it makes it repulsive. Indeed Allah is compassionate and He love compassion.”


Unfortunately, we live in very rough society; such an environment has almost nurtured us to be hostile naturally. I understood this perfectly when I recently went to Madinah. I had left the hotel to go to the Prophet’s salallahu alayhi wasallam Mosque for Iftar when a brother suddenly grabbed my arm 20 meters away from the mosque. I instantly took him to be a trouble maker but I soon realised he was actually calling me to sit and break my fast with him. I watched him and found his courteous behaviour to be ever so pleasant. I then began to question myself as to why I had been so firm with him. I realised that it was the society that I had come from which told me to be defensive and sceptical as opposed to being gentle and friendly.

The sunnah or Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam teaches us differently. It teaches us to be gentle and soft to every living and lifeless thing. During the battle of Uhud, Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam commanded the archers to remain on a hill close to the battle until the war was won. Due to a misunderstanding, they left their positions which resulted in the death of 70 companions. However, Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam was not harsh to them, nor was he aggressive. Rather, he was understanding and sympathetic; he accepted their reasons and pardoned them. He himself states in one hadith, “Forgive right-acting people for their mistakes.” Such behaviour brought about the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and He notably mentions in the Qur’an,

“It was a mercy of Allah that you were soft and gentle with them. If you were rude, harsh, hard hearted, then they would have fled away from you. Pardon them, seek forgiveness from Allah for them and in future, consult them in the matter”

Softness is truly a characteristic which we must inculcate into our life. However, this does not mean that we become naive. If we live in such a place where there is much trickery and deceit, then it is not an act of piety to be forbearing. On the other hand, this is foolishness as a person is asking to be hoaxed.

Being gentle should be within us naturally. When a person is gentle, it beautifies him as a person and also wins the heart of people. Rasulullah salalallahu alayhi wasallam said, “Softness does not exist in anything except that it beautifies it.” However, in order to bring this characteristic within ourselves, we must aim to become tolerant. A person can only learn to forgive and be soft to others once he has subdued his nafs to such an extent that he does not become angry at petty things. When a person is able to blow away his annoyance, signs of compassion may then prevail in him.

Showing kindness to animals is enough for Allah Ta’ala to forgive a person. Imam Bukhari rahimahullah relates a narration in which a person fed a thirsty, ailing dog water which cured him. As a result, Allah Ta’ala forgave his sins. On the other hand, the hadith that Imam Bukhari rahimahullah brings thereafter shows the state of a woman who treated her pet so poorly that it was completely malnourished. As a result of her hard heartedness, Allah Ta’ala entered her into the fire. If this is the case with regards to animals, then what can be said for humans and especially our Muslim brothers and sisters?

There are some misinformed people who try to use Hadhrat Umar radiallahu anhu as their justification to being harsh. Such people quite simply do not know who Hadhrat Umar radiallahu anhu was. He was a soft, loving, caring man who shed tears for the sake of this Ummah. Such people who claim that he was harsh and stern know very little of him. His firmness was to those who had disobeyed Allah Ta’ala and caused pain to the Muslimeen but besides that, he was merciful to the believers as well as the non believers. Many narrations can be put forth of his softness. Let it be remembered, that he was a person about whom people used to say prior to his acceptance of Islam, “There is more chance of Umar’s donkey accepting Islam!” However, his heart was thereafter nurtured by the one who has been titled as the Mercy to Mankind; surely then, such characteristics would have been found in him also. Finally, I conclude with the hadith:

"Whoever has been given his portion of compassion has been given his portion of good. Whoever is denied being given his portion of compassion has been denied his portion of good. Good character will be the weightiest thing in the believer's balance on the Day of Rising. Allah hates a coarse, foul-mouthed person."

May Allah Ta'ala bless us with such characteristics. Ameen.

Bidayatul Hidayah: Chapter on Staying Away from Sins - Part 1

I have translated the following from 'Bidayatul Hidayah' of Imam Abu Hamid al Ghazali rahimahullah. It is a very nice book, I think it has published in English recently aswell. Here is a chapter on staying away from sins. I will divide it into two posts due to its length.

Know that religion has two conditions:

1) To leave that which is forbidden
2) To do actions of obedience

The leaving of that which is forbidden is harder to do. This is because obedience is carried out by everyone (to some extent) but only the pious leave their desires. This is why Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam, “The Muhajir (one who migrates) is he who migrates from evil and the Mujaahid (warrior) is he who fights against his desires.”

Know! That you will only disobey Allah Ta’ala with your limbs and your limbs are only a bounty from Allah Ta’ala upon you! They are a trust given to you so seek help in the bounties of Allah Ta’ala against His disobedience which is the utmost snub. To behave treacherously with a trust that Allah Ta’ala has given you is an extreme form of haughtiness (arrogance)!

Your limbs will look after you make sure you look after them. It comes in a hadith, “You all are guardians and you all will be questioned over those things that you looked after.”

Know that your limbs will bare testimony against you in a presentation given by a eloquent tongue on the day of Qiyamah. You will be led by it at the forefront of all the creations. Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’an, “On that day, their tongues, hands and feet will bare testimony against them as to what they used to do.” (Surah Nur) and He further states, “On the day there will a seal on their mouth and their hands and legs will testify against them as to what they used to earn.”

Therefore look after your body and especially look after 7 parts of your body; for Jahannam has seven doors and for every door there is a part categorised. And these doors are not specified for any person except that person who disobeys Allah Ta’ala with these seven body parts. They are:
1. The eyes
2. The ears
3. The stomach
4. The tongue
5. The private parts
6. The hand
7. The legs/feet

Inshallah we will continue with this in the next post...

Lesson from Hadith #5

اذا كانوا ثلاثة فلا يتناجى اثنان دون الثّالث
“When there are three people, two should not converse together at the exclusion of the third.” (Adabul Mufrad: Hadith #1166 pg 722)

This is straight forward, two people should not exclude the third and speak because this will make him feel unwanted and lonely. Sometimes, two people sit together and begin a conversation in such a manner that the other feels that they are talking about him. The behaviour of a group of Muslims should be such that they make everybody feel wanted. In the modern day, this can also apply to the usage of mobile phones. For example, if two people are sitting and one of them gets a phone call, he should not have a half an hour discussion with the person on the phone and discard his friend in that period. Rather he should host the person whom he is with.

In the same manner, it is not permissible for a person who sees two people talking and then butts into their conversation. Once Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was speaking to a man privately when Sa’eed al Maqbari (may Allah have mercy upon him) entered upon them. Ibn Umar pushed him away and said, “When you see two men talk to each other, you should neither stand near them, nor should you sit there unless you have their permission to do so.

Be A Family Man

It is clear to see from the blessed lifestyle of Rasulullah Salallahu alayhi wasallam that he was family man. He had a deep and profound love for the people of his household and he would regularly enjoy spending time with them. Hazrat Aishah radiallahu anha says, “Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam was a human being from amongst the human beings. He would stay in the service of his family, he would mend his slippers, he would patch up his clothes, he would milk the goat and he would do his own work himself. He would work in the house just as a normal person would work however, when it was time for salah, he would get up and rush to the masjid to perform his prayer.”

This type of mentality is slowly being taken away from many youth today. Unfortunately, according to some, the most boring and lifeless place in the entire world is home. As a result, many people prefer to spend time outside and thus away from family members. There are others who have no need to go out however they find satisfaction in loitering around the locality waiting for something to happen. Then there are those who spend their time in cafes, clubs etc; a place where people can sit and socialise. The outcome of all of this is that our life at home becomes damaged. The house becomes a hotel, you meet others in the corridor at random times but never actually sit down to talk. This is not the way of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam. He would mention, “The best from amongst you is he who is best to his family.” The only time a person can serve his family is when he is regularly with them; a person recognises their needs and the problems that are going on in their life.

It is sometimes sad that people take more interest into the affairs of their friends when their own brothers and sisters need a shoulder to lean on. We should do our best to serve our family members first before anyone else, it is important to become a ‘family man’ like Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam was. Our parent should be our best friends, their company should feel extremely sweet to the heart to the extent that a person cannot wait to go home and see them. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam had prohibited nonsensical talk after Isha yet we find many people congregated outside the masajid talking about all sorts of things. After Isha, Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam would immediately return home and would spend the remainder of the night with his family members.

It is incredibly important that we create strong bonds at home with our family members. Our time should revolve around them because at the end of the day, the only people who will always be there for us (no matter what) are our family. Thus it is important for us to spend time and this need not be strictly inside the house. Try taking your parents out for ice-cream, your child out for a game of football; enjoy rowing a boat with your wife on a pond or taking an afternoon off to bake a cake or paint a picture with her. If a person becomes playful with all the people in his house, he realises that they aren’t boring after all.

How to Keep a Low Profile & Keeping Away Unwanted Attention

Many people want to keep a low profile with regards to themselves but they simply do not know how to. Some people make sincere intentions that they will keep themselves unknown only to reappear a few months later and become well-known once more. A person can get attention for a variety of reasons; sometimes a person could have done something amazingly praiseworthy which attracts the admiration of his peers and the jealousy of others. Sometimes a person could have done something shockingly inappropriate which attracts the attention of everybody around him. Similarly, a person who wears trendy and stylish clothes is immediately recognised and likewise, a person who smells and dresses up badly also gains some recognition for the wrong reasons. The basic point made here is that attention comes through various ways and finds its way to the door of a person sooner or later.

How can a person maintain a low profile? Different things apply to the two genders. Below is a list of ways a person can keep himself ‘off the radar’ so as to speak.

- Make a strong intention that you want to keep yourself to yourself and not be known among the people. The stronger your intention is, the more Allah Ta’ala will help you attain your goal.

- Get rid of your Facebook! As soon as a person signs up to Facebook, he instantly brings himself attention. It is amazing how people are willing to share there every action with people whom they may not even know properly. How is it possible that a person announces to the entire world ‘Fulan is now going to the toilet’?! And then not expect attention? It is shameful for a person to write acts about his every action! It is needless telling people all these things. If a person is going to share his life with the entire world, what remains for himself and his loved ones? Some people who have these applications on their phones then send messages from the most inappropriate of places! Is it really appropriate to write a Facebook status whilst attending somebody’s Janazah? It is for this reason one of my friends tends to call this type of behaviour ‘Shamebook’. Facebook may have benefits but its negatives are far greater. For some, closing their Facebook may be a bit extreme but for those whose hearts have been opened by guidance from Allah Ta’ala, they will immediately recognise their Facebook to be a waste of time. Note: Once it is closed, keep it that way. It can be tempting to return to it and see the latest gossip but a person must have self discipline. Constantly remind yourself what your aim is. Also, there is no need to announce on Facebook that you are leaving. Some people forget that their aim is to keep attention away from them and before deactivating their account they write a big message saying, “Fulan is now leaving Facebook! Goodbye all, it was nice knowing you!” There is no need for an announcement! This will cause a person to delay and wait to see what people have to say. When people become alerted, they will rush to send a message. The basis of all this is unwanted attention that could have been avoided. If deleting Facebook is totally out of the equation then at least limit those with whom you speak to through it. If you are using it to keep in touch with a few special friends then keep it that way. There is no need to keep 277 friends when you speak to only a handful.

- Limit your use of MSN Messenger. Sometimes, people genuinely need to use MSN to speak to family members or loved ones who may be in different countries and this is fine. However, it is important to limit the contacts who are available. Sometimes people have 200 contacts but only speak to 10. If this is the case then only keep 10. If we just sat back and had a look at our MSN Messenger contacts list, we will notice that the majority of those who we have on our account are barely spoken to anyway. If this is the case, then get rid of the excess.

- Keep your voice down when you are around others. Sometimes people are loud by tendency but caution should be taken with this. Some people on the other hand are loud because they want to be heard. How many times have we walked down a road or sat on a bus only to hear the conversation of another person without even wanting to? A person should try their utmost to socialise in a modest and humble manner. Aishah radiallahu anha would mention that Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam was not rude or vulgar and he didn’t pretend to be immoral either; neither did he shout in market places. This is a great example for us, we walk up and down the road screaming and hollering but respect is when a person is quiet. The louder a person is, the more he is considered to be bizarre by the people around him.

- The above point is especially useful for women. There are many women who tend to be loud and bubbly and as a result, they cause a lot of unneeded attention towards themselves. There was once a time where the tongues of women were eloquent and free from swearing and vulgarity. It is unfortunate to see young Muslim women openly screaming all sorts of abuse in colleges and universities. That is not to say all women are like that, there are still women today who are role models for even men because of their beautiful characteristics. A woman is most attractive when her words are of a soft and sweet nature. It does not befit a rose that it gives of stench so then how is it possible for a woman that she spits out abuse?

- Avoid going into places which will cause recognition. Many people like to go to Shisha cafes and specific clubs but what this can bring unwanted attention. Many people who go to places like these are determined to mingle with others. These places are best left alone.

- Keep a small amount of pious friends. Many people like to mix with different groups of friends during different days of the week. This is incorrect as his name becomes famed. It is better to keep a small group of friends who will come to a person’s aid. A person who is married should especially limit his friends. His best friend should be his wife. In a prior post (Click Here) we spoke of the husband being the mureed of his wife; and rightly so, it is better to be the mureed of lifelong friend than a whole host of friends. Also, when a person keeps friends who are idiots, they tend to spill his secrets and make him well known.

- Limit your time out of the house. Some people go out and loiter around shopping malls and parks just to see what is going on. This again is unnecessary and should be avoided.

- Don’t wear dazzling clothes. As a Muslim we are encouraged to dress well and wear nice clothes if we are able to do so. Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. However, there is a huge difference between elegance and show-stopping glitz! We should be elegant in our clothing but not glamorous. Many people want to be seen as they cross the road so they will wear a shocking blue t-shirt or more jewellery then people keep in the shops! This again is incorrect. Beauty is in simplicity and we see this in the life of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. His attire was elegant but it was simple at the same time. It was not heavily designed but rather it was kept plain and clean. Many people will now say that they didn’t have fashionable and heavily designed material in those times but this is totally incorrect. The merchants of Arabia would constantly trade with the Romans and Persians in order to bring beautiful clothing to Arabia but this would never tempt Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. Once Umar radiallahu anhu saw Rasulullah’s salallahu alahyhi wa salam state and began to weep. When asked as to why he cries he said, “I swear by Allah! I do not cry except that because I know that you are more exalted in the sight of Allah then the emperor of Persia and the Caesar of Rome. And they are both are enjoying in the pleasures of the world, whilst you, O Rasulullah are in this state that I am seeing you in.” Upon this Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam said, “What is with me and this world? (i.e. what do I care about this world?)”

- Sisters are also encouraged to not wear clothes which can bring attention to their beauty. Men are naturally rugged and sometimes, a person needs to look for a long time to see any beauty. On the other hand, women are naturally created with attractive features and can instantly catch eyes if attention is brought to them. This is not to say that women should not dress up and remain in a filthy state. Rather, a women should dress up well but should not make herself alluring by wearing colours which make her more luminous than the lollipop lady.

- Conceal your good deeds like the way you would conceal your bad deeds.

Our pious predecessors and elders disliked fame and glory. They were very simple people; there aim was to live a simple life on this planet and then return to Allah Ta’ala. There walking, talking and living in general was very basic and they did not have any desire to be known and celebrated. Hazrat Bishr ibn al Harith rahimahullah would say, “I do not know of a single man who loves fame except that he loses his religion and becomes disgraced. No-one who has fear of Allah, loves to be known amongst the people.” Let us ponder carefully over this statement. When a person begins to love fame and popularity, he thrives on serving the people in all affairs. When he speaks, he speaks for their praise; when he prays, he hopes for the approval; when he does any good, it is for their admiration. It is better to keep low profile and remain unknown. The more fame a person gets, the more opposition he gets. Every person would like to make the person beside him think in a similar way but this is not possible.

There are many more ways to keep low profile but the post is already long as it is. Inshallah if time permits, I will continue with this at another time.

May Allah Ta’ala give us the ability to become sincere servants of His. Ameen.

Don't Be A 'Quitter'

Different people are affected mentally by different things. Different situations bring out different characteristics from within a person. Sometimes people are presented with a task which they are not comfortable with but they still dig deep (make huge efforts) in order to complete it. On the other hand there are other people who maintain a ‘give up’ mentality; and that is when a difficult situation is presented before them, they immediately feel it is impossible and beyond the boundaries of reality. As a result, they quit at the first hurdle and decide not to push themselves towards the attainment of their goals. This mentality can be simply put as, “When the going gets tough... I quit.”

As Muslims, when we do not understand how to do something our mentality should not be ‘I quit’. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam and the Companions radiallahu anhum were presented with the severest of tasks. They were presented with tasks of huge magnitude but they did not carry this ‘I quit’ perception in their pockets. Rather, they had unerring fortitude and belief that they will complete their goals. Had they quit at the first hurdle, then how would this deen come to us? Likewise, it is seen over the period of history that the religion of Allah ‘azza wa jal has not been carried by people who had low self esteem and will power. Rather Allah Ta’ala has specifically chosen special souls to do the service of His religion because of their resolute nature. The greatest honour a person can have in this world is to serve this faith we have been gifted with in whatever way possible; whether it be that a person becomes a doctor and helps humanity or that he becomes a scholar and guides people towards the straight path, the basis of our existence is to serve the deen and this can only be done by men and women of strong, resolute, pioneering character.

When a person is presented a task which is outside of his ‘comfort zone’ he immediately begins to think about all his weaknesses. For example, sometimes a person may be asked to read a book out aloud to his class as part of class reading. As soon as this task has been delegated to him, he immediately begins a conversation within his own self along the lines of, “What if I make a mistake? People will laugh at me and think that I am stupid. Some of these English words are looking really big, what if I say it funny and people giggle?” These types of thought are all fuelling and whisperings from shaytaan khabees and should be ignored (say a’uzoo billahi min ash shaytaanir rajeem). When a person begins to think too much about a specific task, he makes it more complex than it really is. One dear friend of mine once advised me to make big things appear to be small so that the pressure is also reduced.

If we are struggling to perform a certain task than our state should not be that we hold our hands up and say, “I can’t do this!” Rather we should look at the task and say, “I do not have the knowledge on how to do this properly just yet but I will learn very quickly and then attempt to do this again.” It is very important to be optimistic at all times as opposed to being pessimistic and negative. When a person is optimistic and hopeful, he begins to brim with confidence and self belief. This will aid him hugely in completing his difficult task as he has already won half the battle which is within his mind. If our condition is such that we begin shaking at the mere possibility of each task then we will run away from it for as long as we live and we will never gain the experience to overcome our ‘teething troubles’ so as to speak.

Sometimes, to produce a resolute and stalwart characteristics within oneself is really hard, especially if the person is a soft person by nature. In situations such as these, my humble advice would be to use my ‘goli maro bhai’ (fire a bullet to the world) method. A person should not think too much and work by the spur of the moment. It is like when we get an injection from the nurse. We look at the needle and begin to get so scared. Sometimes people begin to cry just by seeing the needle that Allah bachai, this nurse is going to do my zabah (sacrifice)! Then when the time comes we know we can’t get away from it so we close our eyes and hope for the best but as soon as the needle comes in and out, the first words we say are, “That didn’t hurt you know.” This is spur of the moment ‘goli maro’ theory.

May Allah Ta’ala give us all the ability to strengthen our resolve and be from those people who achieve our ambitions. May He take great service of deen from us. Ameen.

Being Down To Earth & Knowing One's Worth

Hazrat Maulana Zakariyya sahib would often say, “Know your worth.” In today’s society, that basically translates to “be down to earth”. Different people have different things to boast about. Some people take pride in worldly gains, cars, money etc and then others take pride in religious gains such as knowledge, worship etc. When a person begins to accumulate things which he considers to be extra ordinary, he convinces himself that he is in fact, extra ordinary. When such thoughts and ideas flow through the veins of a person, he begins to feel that every act he does is pioneering. Such a person is in need of becoming down to earth. His ideas in regards to himself has made his two feet leave the ground and he no longer lives on the same planet as everybody else. He feels that different rules apply to him due to his superiority and as a result of these nasty characteristics, people will look at him as being arrogant, haughty and conceited. The reality is, that is precisely what he has become. Once a person becomes known as arrogant and haughty, it is extremely hard for him break this image and become known as a humble person. On the contrary, a person who is ‘down to earth’, who understands ‘his worth’ and meets with people in such a manner that they see him as equal to themselves despite his superiority in worldly/religious gains; he becomes loved by all.

The great Imam Malik rahimahullah was once questioned by a person who had travelled at great lengths to meet him. Imam Malik rahimahullah responded to his question with the answer, “I do not know the answer to your question.” The man was in shock exclaimed, “What will I tell my people?!” and Imam Malik rahimaullah merely finished the conversation with, “Tell them that Malik has admitted to his ignorance.”

This is the humility of a man who was the Imam of Madinatul Munawwara! Despite his vast array of knowledge and his incredible intellect, he still claimed that he didn’t know anything! This was because he learnt knowledge and that knowledge taught him to become humble. There are others who learn knowledge and then use that knowledge to become arrogant. Just look at Shaytan khabees, he learned knowledge with regards to the elements and with regards to fire and clay; he then used that arrogantly and he became mal’oon (one who is cursed).

Be down to earth and a person will be walking on the footsteps of the pious predecessors of this nation like Imam Malik and on the other side, a person can convince himself that he is something and as a result he will be walking on the same path as Shaytan towards the fire.

May Allah Ta’ala give us all the ability to know our worth and give us the ability to become down to earth. Ameen.

Infatuation in Islam (Part 2) - Curing the Problem

The topic of infatuation is a very strange matter. I have already highlighted the problem and the illness which branch out from this feeling (this article can be read by clicking here). Sometimes, the hardest obstacle to overcome is the mind. When the mind has conceded that the body has a problem, man has already lost half the battle. Janan Begum rahmatullahi alayha was a great poet, her husband died at quite a young age and she led the rest of her life as a widow. She never forgot her beloved and was always in his remembrance. About infatuation she once wrote,

“How can a lover conceal his infatuation from the eyes of people,
when both of his eyes are bleeding to disclose his secret love.”

When the mind has conceded that it has been taken over by the remembrance of the beloved, it is really hard to break this train of thought. It requires a person to dig deep inside of himself and strengthen his resolve. I have decided to counter the illnesses that I wrote towards the end of the last article; then wherever necessary, I will add whatever else needs to be mentioned inshallah.

Strengthening one’s resolve

For any difficult goal to be achieved, a person needs to have determination.

Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam said, “Actions are by intentions, and for every man is what he intended.” A person will go as far as his intention; if his intention was one of huge determination, then he will continue to reach the goal despite facing various hardships along the way. On the contrary, if a person’s intention was weak, his determination and resolve will crumble at the first hardship faced in reaching his goal. As a result, he will be left unsuccessful and will continue to try finding new ways of attaining his intended target. The reality is, when battling diseases of the mind and heart, nothing is easy. There is no shortcut, there is no side road which a person can use during testing times, rather everything is done by clenching the fists and getting on with the job. They key principle is, “Never lose courage”. Always keep on going even if it feels a mountain trek in the beginning. Sooner or later, the tawajjuh (attention) of Allah Ta’ala falls upon His slave which results in mass progress. In our context, this means that a person should immediately slap himself (not literally) and leave the thoughts surround the desired one. During times of frustration, such strong feelings may come back but a person should not feel hopelessness, rather he should pick himself up and try again. The resolve should be such that a person feels inside of his heart, “Even if I die, I am going to get this khabees out of my mind and heart!” Such strong resolve is loved by Allah Ta’ala who in turn sees the mujjahadah (effort and struggle) of His slave. Consequently, Allah Ta’ala gives the slave the ability to fulfil his task.

Remedies to the illness mentioned in the previous article:

Constantly being self conscious – The remedy to this is to avoid trying to look good. One who is suffering from this ailment should wake up and roll out of his house without over elaborating his looks. This doesn’t mean he goes to college, university, work with a creased up khurta pyjama! Rather, he wears whatever he finds in his hand. He should not think to himself, “I am going to wear a dark colour because it makes me look mysterious!” The main objective here is not to make much of an effort, after continuously doing this he will not care whether he looks ugly or not as he has nobody to impress. Thus, by not impressing the beloved, he begins decrease in love and concentration for her.

Feeling of being unattractive if ignored – feeling unattractive can be from the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala especially in our day and age. Sometimes when people know that they are appealing to the other gender, they tend to go by the proverb, “If you’ve got it, then flaunt it!” and thus a person will wear his/her clothing in a manipulative way. When a person feels unattractive, it can prevent him into going into illicit relationships. His esteem is fragile with regards to interacting with the opposite sex and before he even begins to be flirtatious, he will remind himself, “Yaar..you are the ugly duckling, why would a girl of her calibre be interested in you?!” As a result, this mindset will overpower the want of doing haraam. When a person starts feeling unattractive due to being ignored, he should constantly remind himself, “This person is not my spouse and my beauty will only be for her. What difference does it make to me if this person doesn’t think I am attractive, it is not like I am going to spend the rest of my life with them.” Thus when a person doesn’t receive the attention he was hoping for, he should not feel lowly but should rather pass it off and feel that the only opinion worthy of his time is that of the one he will marry and remain with.

Depression – Depression often stems from loneliness and isolation. Depression feeds on the frailties of the mind and the weaknesses of the heart. As a result, a person finds solitude only in his sorrow. It is a vicious circle which revolves around anguish. It is important to spend as much time with good friends, going out and playing football and having a general laugh. If a person finds that he is constantly falling into sorrow and his eyes are burning with tears, he should do things which cheer him up even if it means forcing oneself. Sometimes, a person finds such happiness in his friends, our friends are always people we look to and smile with. It is important to be with them. Another way is to spend time in dua’a, speaking to Allah Ta’ala about your problems. Explain the contents of your heart by telling Allah Ta’ala the story from the beginning to the end. He hears and understands everything, even the whispers of the heart. Reading Qur’an and Islamic literature can also prove to be beneficial.

Sleepless nights – please read the article Goodnight, Sleep Tight.

Unstable thoughts – These thoughts are from Shaytaan. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam has given us the remedy for such thoughts. We must say Ta’wuz (A’uzu billahi min ash shaytaanir rajeem) and then change our thoughts. This can be done best by engaging in zikr. Let a person constantly say “Astagfirullah” (O Allah! Forgive me). One should also reflect on his selfishness which is being portrayed by his desire to cause unrest in the lives of others. More details can be read by viewing the following article: Origins of Evil Thoughts

Mood Swings - This is perhaps one of the hardest ailments to get rid off due to the unpredictable nature of a person. Imam Shafi’ rahimahullah would write, “The heart is only called the heart because of its rapid change.” Different things that happen in our life change us. Sometimes this is caused due to factors within our control (such as our own actions) and at other times these changes are caused by factors which are outside of our control (such as actions of others or environmental changes). As mentioned in the other post, sometimes the attention of the beloved can send one into ecstasy and likewise a cold look can send one into deep sorrow. The best way to avoid these mood swings is to avoid the beloved altogether. Some people are such that even though they are not in contact with their desired one, they will speak to those who are in an attempt to find out any news about their life. The best thing to do at this juncture is to ignore and leave everything connected to the person at hand. However, it is also important to try one’s best to leave those things which make a person angry, sad or frustrated. These feelings are such that they provoke the feelings of want and miss. A person then goes into a frenzy and due to missing and wanting the beloved, the mood swings occur. When a person feels he is going into a strop, then he must try his best to avoid the people who are dear to him, in such instances, a person can cause damage to the hearts of others and then regret it later. The bottom line here is, one needs to be patient and slowly over time, these mood swings will occur less. When one is frustrated and then begins to miss the beloved, it is important to busy the mind with something else...go play a nice golf game on Playstation.

Anger – Anger is such a thing which can emanate from mood swings. My respected ustaadh Hazrat Maulana Abdur Rahim Sahib once mentioned,

غصہ کا آنا برا نہيں – غصہ کو لانا اور غصہ نکالنا برا ہے
“The coming of anger is not a bad thing... bringing anger (by force) and then taking it out (on others) is bad”

He then continued, “Anger is sometimes good. Allah Ta’ala gave it to us so we can protect ourselves otherwise we wouldn’t care about what happened to us or our families. So as long as a person is late in getting angry and quick in returning to his normal state he is fine. Also, as long as his anger is not for personal and worldly matters then it and it is for deen, then he is fine too. Remember, “sorry” is the hardest word to say but we should not hesitate to say it when we realise our mistake.”

The advice to a person who is angry is mentioned in the hadith, he should recite Ta’wuz and then do wudhu to cool himself down. If he is standing up then he should sit down and if he is sitting down he should lie down. It is also useful to take deep breaths and blow the matter off. Sometimes, we get annoyed by little things but the main reason of our anger is our infatuation. Then when someone asks, “What is the matter?” we mention the little thing because we are too ashamed to say, “I am more infatuated then Majnoo was on Laila.” Just the way we consider it to be shameful and pitiful when asked about our anger, we should also consider this infatuation to be something lowly and not worthy of getting angry over when we are in a state of calmness. Let’s not blow things out of proportion, that’s one of the greatest crimes a person can do. Though this infatuation maybe something big in your life, nobody other than yourself really cares about it. By constantly remembering this, a person will be able to take a huge weight off of his shoulder and turn it into a feather.

Loss of appetite – Sometimes this can be a great ni’mat of Allah Ta’ala, especially when a person is a bit podgy and has a Krispy Kreme doughnut addiction. The main thing over here is not to starve oneself to the brink of exhaustion but to take healthy amounts of food. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam would eat moderately himself so this is not a bad thing. However, sometimes we hear stories of sisters who become anorexic due to this and refuse to eat. This is not right, Allah Ta’ala has given the body to insaan (mankind) as an amanat (trust). If our friends were to give us a fragile diamond necklace, we would take care of it and polish it every day so that it returns to its rightful owner in a good state. In the same way, we have to look after our body and condition it well so that when we give our body back to Allah Ta’ala, it is not in a bad condition. It being in a bad state reflect the ingratitude of a person. If a person is really struggling, then he/she should try to eat many khujoor (dates) and drink water in abundance too. Inshallah there will be great barkat in this.

Remedies to spiritual ailments:

Laziness in worship – In such a situation, a person has to force himself onto the prayer mat and pray. He has to constantly make the dua, “O Allah Ta’ala, whether I want to or not, pull me by my forehead onto the prayer mat. O Allah, whether I want to or not, pull me towards the Qur’an and make me read it. O Allah, whether I want to worship You or not, make Your worship compelling upon me.” It is also good to find some pious friends and build up a relationship with the mosque. The more a person goes to the mosque for prayers with congregation, the more he builds up an attachment to the house of Allah Ta’ala and the Qur’an itself mentions that such prayer stops a believer from indulging in immoral activities. If a person has a pious, best friend, it is important for him to trust his friend and explain his situation. By seeking his help, he will have someone to help him who is not blinded by love or by the constant natter of shaytaan with regards to the beloved. When a person is infatuated, his eyes are hazed but a person who is not infatuated will see a situation for what it really is; in effect he will be able to come to the right decisions and provide the right help inshallah.

Increase in disobedience – this is similar to laziness in worship however a person may embark on all sorts of immoral activities if this state comes over a person. It is important to force oneself into the company of the pious or the people of the household. Sometimes, a person only gets into bad things because the people around him are behaving in the manner of shayaateen. If a person can stay away from such people, it would be good for him. I once wrote a poem about this:

If a raindrop falls into the ocean, it is catergorised as part of the ocean,
When insaan falls into bad company, then insaan surely becomes known as bad company.
All the negative attributes that you gain thereafter, will cover you like a coat,
Duplicity, audacity and insolence is what your name will be known to connote.
So save yourselves from this complete and utter foppery,
For it is better to be alone than to have evil company.

Staying away from bad company means staying away from drugs, alcohol etc. Staying in good company means staying in the masjid.

Heavy heart – if a person finds that he has a heavy heart then he should make lots of zikr. Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’an, “Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace.” It is easy to zikr, a person can say laa ilaha illallah and astagfirullah whilst walking. The greatest remembrance is the Qur’an. The more a person reads it, the more its nur (light) enters his heart and destroys the darkness which surrounds it. Also, a person should be punctual on his prayers and try to increase his nafli (extra) worship. Tahajjud is something that can draw a person closer to Allah Ta’ala. Once this closeness is found, a person should make dua from the bottom of his heart and cry profusely. If a person cannot cry, then he should make the face of a person who is crying and be in anguish. By enjoying a good old sob, the heart feels light and happy.

Change in personality – it is always important to read about the characteristics of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. He is our role model and his nature was sublime. His conduct was impeccable and he has set for us a shining example. When a person’s characteristics become so foul, it is best to look towards the characteristics of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam. Purchase books such as Shamail Tirmizi which is available widely with commentary Khasail Nabawi or the Sublime Conduct of Nabi salallahu alayhi wa salam. A person should also look to get Bay’ah with a Sheikh who can then guide him on the path to perfection. For more information on this, please read the book “Path to Perfection” which has been compiled by Maulana Maseehullah Khan sahib rahimahullah.

Loss of trust in Allah Ta’ala – This is one of the greatest sins a person can do. When a person gets to such a state he should immediately seek repentance, do ta’wuz and slap himself (literally this time). It is important to wake up and smell the coffee. Just because a person does not get his desired object does not give him the right to lose trust in Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala mentions, “It could be that you like something which is bad for you and that you dislike something which is good for you but Allah knows best and you do not.” The reality is, Allah may have better things in store for us which are far greater and virtuous but what He needs from our side is patience and reliance upon Him. Allah Ta’ala is not out to hurt the believers, He is our Friend and Guardian. Never will there be such a day where Allah Ta’ala turns His Countenance away from us and leaves us in despair. This will only happen if we turn our backs on Allah Ta’ala. May Allah Ta’ala protect us from the fitnah of ourselves and never let us be in charge of our own selves for the blink of an eye. Ameen

The ailments are many and the remedies are many. The above is just a feeble attempt to help those whose hearts may be in peril. If there are others who know of methods and solutions that are far more beneficial, then it is my humble request to be shown towards a better advice.

May Allah Ta’ala guard the gates of our heart and fill our hearts only with the love of Allah Ta’ala, His Rasul salallahu alayhi wa salam and those who it is permissible for us to cherish. May He, out of His Benevolence and Kindness help all those who are mystified by this ailment. Ameen.

Split Personality

Sometimes a person can perhaps have a split personality. A person can have an appearance which reflects piety but inside his heart, he may be as rotten as a banana. On the other hand, a person may appear to be very sinful but perhaps he keeps within his heart certain principles that render him to be pious. The examples on this particular matter are vast. The underlying theme is that we know what our minds conjure behind words of piety and we most assuredly know what our limbs commit behind closed doors. A person has two personalities; a pious one and a sinful one.

It is for this reason that Allah Ta’ala mentions in Surah Baqarah, “Did I not tell you, verily I know what is hidden between the Heavens and the Earth. And I know what you make apparent and what you may conceal.” Allah Ta’ala has mentioned the two sides of a person. A person’s internal appearance and his external appearance. The aim for a Muslim is to make both of these sides submit to Allah Ta’ala. It is almost as if we have two lives and the objective of both is to please Allah rabbul ’izzah. Only once both the external and internal sides conform to Allah’s Ta’ala rulings and commands, we attain this submission and balance.

In order to attain this spiritual excellence, a person must always be aware of his deeds. Thus the split personality of a person can be seen in different ways :

1. Some people are such that in their regular day to day business they live with a split personality. A classic example would be of that person who sees a beautiful, young lady crossing the road. In his appearance he is lowering his gaze which suggests that he is pious but in his mind he is conjuring immoral thoughts. Similar is the case of a sister who may appear to be God-fearing by her firm words and persona but in her heart she may be conceal intense love for a boy whom it is not permissible for her to love. Thus there is a double life being led simultaneously.

2. The second example is of that person who splits when the opportunity presents itself and discards his pious side and turns to his sinful nature. An example of this person may perhaps be of that person who is a pious and maintains great righteousness; however, if he goes to a person’s house where music is being played and movies are being watched, his demeanour will change rapidly and he will joyfully partake in such actions. Similarly, a sister may be pious but if she is sitting with a group of girls who are gossiping and backbiting; she too will ‘split’ as the opportunity presents itself and begin backbiting and gossiping. It is seen in these examples that a person becomes taken over by this sinful personality inside, once the sin he has partaken in is over, he returns to his normal state.

3. The third type of person is that Muslim who momentarily looses control of himself and shows his sinful nature. This is typically seen in all Muslims in the state of anger when it is unnecessary. For example, a person is of a pious nature and very rarely gets angry. However, one day he comes home one day after a long days work and he is hoping for a nice, hot, dish of daal, chawal and subzi. However, when he gets home, he finds his wife has been sitting on the phone all day long and as a result, he implodes and lets out ‘maa ben’ swearwords. However, after a few minutes he calms down and realises he is wrong and goes back to his own self. Similarly, there is a sister who may have a sibling who happens to be a bit mischievous. One day the sibling may perhaps take the GHD hair straightener and as a result, the elder sister becomes extremely angry. Once again, after a few seconds, she realises that such argument is petty and best avoided; thus she returns to her usual self.

4. The final example is of that person who remains at a pious level all the time and when the thought of rebelling comes into his mind, he suppresses himself or he teaches himself not to be agitated by trivial things. For example, a brother is a really pious sufi saab. He does not get into sins and is constantly in the remembrance of Allah Ta’ala internally and externally. However, one day he is extremely tired and he sees that prayer time is departing without him having prayed. He struggles internally because his nafs does not want to pray and he struggles externally because he is tired. He has pressure from both sides.The thought passes his mind to read Qaza later on however, his constant level of piety prevails and his regular practices come to his aid. Thus he is easily able to ignore the wrong and continue to live righteously.

How does a person get to this stage? The answer is in the Jibril Hadith, “Worship Allah as if you can see him and if you cannot, then truly He sees you.” A person has to continually work his mind to a state where he knows that Allah Ta’ala is watching him and that he must refrain from wrong. It is like the situation of a parent and a child. A child will be instructed from a tender age not to use swear words otherwise he will get beaten with a cricket bat. Then, due to this firm warning, he will not swear due to remembering the words of his parents subconsciously. As a result, even when a person grows into a man, he will never swear in front of his parents. In the same way, we must grow a consciousness over the commands of Allah Ta’ala. If we continually keep them in our mind, we will be able to suppress our other side. To do this, we must sit and analyse our sins and recognise where we lapse the most. Then, we must continually drill it into ourselves that it is wrong. At first we may continue to sin, however gradually we will recognise the wrong we are doing and be able to diverge from it. A person should never feel down, things like this do not happen over night (sometimes they do but this is Allah's fazl, He gives it to whom He wants). We must remember that Rome was not built over night. Or in Islamic terms, the extension of Masjidul Haram in Makkah wasn't built over night!

May Allah Ta’ala give us the ability to rectify ourselves in order to conform with His commands. Ameen ya Rabbal aalameen.

Infatuation in Islam - Identifying the Problem

Recently, I have heard the word infatuation being used a lot. I began thinking about what ‘infatuation’ exactly is from an Islamic point of view. I then thought about the difference between infatuation and a mere liking of someone. Slowly but surely, by the grace of Allah Ta’ala, I began to write this article. This article will largely deal with the feeling of infatuation upon the other gender.

According to the dictionary, the word infatuation is defined as ‘an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something’. In many cases however, such infatuation is not short-lived but remains present in a person’s life. It can hide itself within the breasts of mankind for a long period and just when a person thinks it has gone, it can resurface. This will be explained further in due course insha Allah.

It is important at this stage to recognise the difference between merely liking and admiring someone and become infatuated upon someone. When a person merely likes another person, it is just a way of expressing his fondness towards the characteristics or beauty of the person whom he is keen upon. This is quite normal and is felt in many people whether they like to admit it or not. For example, a person may have a work colleague who is really helpful and as a result, that person develops a liking for his colleague's kind nature. Also, a person may have a classmate who is extremely beautiful and by acknowledging her beauty, he may begin to develop a liking for her too. However, this liking remains at a very mellow stage and becomes a ‘want’ rather than a ‘need’.

A ‘want’ is simply something a person would like to have; if he receives it then he is happy and makes use of it till he renders it useless and if he does not receive it, he is briefly disappointed but moves on. A ‘need’ however is something a person must have in order to give himself raahat and peace; if he receives it then he does not want to let it go and if he does not receive it, his heart is in constant ache.

This second type is primarily what ‘infatuation’ is. It is an obsession of such a nature that it traumatises the mind and punishes the heart inhumanely. When a person is ‘infatuated’ upon something, his life becomes unbearable until his obsession is acquired. It is true enough to say that infatuation has different degrees. Some people are affected by it greatly to the extent that there entire life revolves around their fixation and others are affected for only a specific portion of their life and as soon as that time has departed, so too has the fixation. The latter can be exemplified by the situation of a person who is popular in college. Girls may be fixated upon his flash style and his handsome face all year round but as soon as he departs, the fascination these girls felt will also go. This is because he is no longer in view.

Shah Waliullah Dehlwi rahimahullah narrates a hadith in his Arba’in, “Your love for someone can blind you and deafen you.” Infatuation can be on many things. It can be upon following life in certain ways, using specific methods, it can be an intense interest in an enemy etc. Here we will take about the infatuation which is felt in a person when he likes another.

For a person to be infatuated on another person, love and admiration must have entered his heart at some point which stops him from moving on. This is seen quite explicitly in the story of Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam which is mentioned in the Qur’an. The story is a long, detailed one but in brief, Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam was a man of immense beauty and great conduct. The wife of the leader of Egypt (Zuleikha is her name) at that time became infatuated upon Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam and loved him dearly. She was so adamant in starting a relationship with him that she sought to seduce him into committing fornication. Being such a great Nabi of Allah Ta’ala, Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam refused. These events somehow spread throughout the land and the women began gossiping and ridiculing Zuleikha. Zuleikha felt hard done by as nobody except her had witnessed the great beauty and jamaal of Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam. As a result, she organised a banquet wherein Yusuf alayhis salam was put forth in front of the women. They were also given knives and fruit in their hand but when they saw the beauty of Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam, they cut their hands. As a result, Hazrat Yusuf alayhis salam was falsely dubbed as a menace to society and was consequently put into prison. He stayed in prison for seven years. It is mentioned by Maulana Hifzurrahman Syuhari rahimahullah, “Once Yusuf alayhis salam was taken into prison, Zuelikha totally took him out of her mind.” For several years, Zuleikha continued with her life and it appeared that she had moved on during this time. The flame of intense love and affection she had for Yusuf alayhis salam appeared to have burnt out. However, after seven years, his name was mentioned in her presence and the infatuation she had rekindled itself and the flame of her love once more began to burn brightly in her heart.

The leader of Egypt began an inquiry as to see what really happened with regards to Yusuf alayhis salam. He wanted to clear Hazrat Yusuf’s alayhis salam name and so he began his ‘trial’. When his name was mentioned in front of Zuleikha, the truth of her infatuation became apparent and she crumbled. After years of being so distant from the one she loved the most, the pangs of separation could no longer be hidden. She immediately admitted her fault and that she was to blame. The Qur’an mentions,

قَالَ مَا خَطۡبُكُنَّ إِذۡ رَٲوَدتُّنَّ يُوسُفَ عَن نَّفۡسِهِۦ‌ۚ قُلۡنَ حَـٰشَ لِلَّهِ مَا عَلِمۡنَا عَلَيۡهِ مِن سُوٓءٍ۬‌ۚ قَالَتِ ٱمۡرَأَتُ ٱلۡعَزِيزِ ٱلۡـَٔـٰنَ حَصۡحَصَ ٱلۡحَقُّ أَنَا۟ رَٲوَدتُّهُ ۥ عَن نَّفۡسِهِۦ وَإِنَّهُ ۥ لَمِنَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ
He (the king) said, “What was your case, O women, when you seduced Yusuf?” They said, .God forbid, we know of no evil in him.” The governor‘s wife said, “Now the truth has come to light. I did seduce him, and he is surely truthful.”

My most dearest and most beloved Hazrat Maulana Abdur Rahim Sahib (May Allah Ta'ala preserve him and reward him in abundance) writes a beautiful explanation to this verse in his tafseer Ahsan al Qasas. He says,

“Zuleikha stood on one side and listened to the replies of the women and acknowledged the innocence and high principles of Yusuf alayhis salam. When they finished, she began, “Now the truth has come to light”. She did not mince her words. Rather she accepted her guilt freely and frankly. She adored Yusuf alayhis salaam in every sense, in words and deed and she wanted the truth to be proclaimed in the open court, before all. So what had happened to her then? She had learnt a lot in sorrow, pain and humiliation. She had learnt the vanity of carnal love. Yusuf alayhis salam, true of heart, calm in every turn of fortune, had taught her to question herself whether, in spite of all her sins she could yet be worthy of him? Perhaps when her husband was dead, and she was a widow. However, she must see whether she could understand love in the sense in which Yusuf alayhis salam would have her understand it, that pure surrender of the self, which is not tainted by earthly matters.”

Thus as I mentioned before, infatuation is not short lived but can resurface at any time. Over here, we have the case of Zuleikha who has gone without Yusuf alayhis salam for years but at his mere return, she once again became dominated by feelings of burning love.

It is about this the poet says,

“Love refuses to hide, although I have tried to conceal it at countless times.
It just returns and settles itself in my courtyard.
When my yearning intensifies, my heart revolves around his remembrance.
Then when I want to get closer to my beloved, he himself draws closer to me.”

Yusuf alayhis salam was the ‘need’ that Zuleikha felt and by being in his company or around his matters, she felt great solace.

Now the question arises that in our day and age, is this type of infatuation on the opposite gender a good thing?

The simple answer is no. It does not befit the characteristics of a Muslim that he places matters of happiness and sadness upon the attention of a person whom he may not even spend the rest of his life. The effects of infatuation can cause many problems both spiritually and mentally. With regards to mentally, here are some;

· Constantly being self conscious – when a person becomes obsessed with someone, he naturally wants to look good in order to catch their eye. Thus he will always try to dress up and look good just in case he bumps into them.

· Feeling of being unattractive if ignored – when a person is ignored or not acknowledged by the person for whom they dressed up, they often feel very low in self esteem and feel unattractive. Sometimes a person may feel that he made such effort only to be blown away.

· Depression – when a person cannot even gain the attention of the person that they are infatuated upon, they begin to live a life of sorrow. Nothing feels worth doing if it is not done with the ‘beloved’.

· Sleepless nights – when a person is infatuated upon a person, he may often suffer sleepless nights just thinking about the other person. He may spend hours upon hours devising plans to be noticed or perhaps fantasize of a day when he is enjoying himself with his fixation.

· Unstable thoughts – A person may think up many ways of perhaps acquiring his obsession. This may lead to unstable and impure thoughts. A person may consider plotting against people or doing absurd things just in order to attain their desired one.

· Mood swings – when a person does not know what to think, he begins to have mood swings. Sometimes when things are going fine, he is in the happiest of moods but at other times he may be extremely depressed. This can perhaps be sparked by small gestures from their ‘beloved’. For example, if the ‘beloved’ merely glances with a smile at them, it may send them in to ecstasy. On the other hand, if the ‘beloved’ glances at them coldly or speaks sharply, they may feel extreme sorrow.

· Anger – when things are not going right and all else is failing. A person tends to get frustrated and begins to bish, bash, bosh.

· Loss of appetite – a person cannot eat despite being hungry. He is constantly in thought of his ‘desired one’. For as long as he feels the pains of separation, he cannot enjoy the other ni’mats and bounties of life.

From among the spiritual ailments are the following:

· Laziness in worship – when a person hits such a sorrowful state, he just does not like to do anything. It is easier to lie down on the bed then to make dua to Allah Ta’ala and thus there will be much negligence in prayer and Qur’an. Sometimes, when a person does not have thing he wants most, everything else feels useless to perform.

· Loss of trust in Allah Ta’ala – when a person does not get what he wants, he begins to question Allah Ta’ala and feel that Allah Ta’ala has deprived him. When his entire life is being shattered, he begins to question what Allah Ta’ala has done for him! May Allah Ta’ala protect us all.

· Increase in disobedience – as a result of this loss of trust, a person begins to commit sins and feels more inclined towards disobedience. A sister who may not be getting noticed by the person whom she is infatuated upon may take off her hijab in order to lure him to her. Due to the pain the heart is feeling, a person may find solace in smoking, drugs, alcohol as it can temporarily numb the pain.

· Heavy heart – as a result of all this disobedience, the heart becomes stained and becomes heavy. A person feels constantly guilty with himself for the constant sin he has gotten himself into.

· Change in personality - when infatuation has affected a person so greatly, his personality begins to change. He become different to the man he once was in many ways. Many negative traints come inside him and his akhlaq (mannerisms) are hugely transformed. A person who was always bashful and cheerful may become miserable. One who was kind may feel stingy. One who always had time for others may push people away from him and the examples go on..

All the aforementioned point to one thing – such infatuation in Islam is forbidden. In no way is it correct for a Muslim to bear all these characteristics with himself. Such foul qualities negate the essence and aura of a Muslim. I have highlighted the problems and in the next post, I will insha Allah write the remedy as I have not thought about it greatly as yet. If anybody has any ideas, please feel free to put your ideas forth. Jazak Allah

May Allah Ta’ala strengthen the doors of our heart and keep the clean with His religion. May He out of His infinite blessings reward all the authors on this blog and those who inspire us to write. May He reward all you for taking time out to learn about His deen. Ameen