Royal Characteristics After Marriage

Due to the Royal Wedding which has occured, I felt it ideal to post something in relation to wedlock. Once a person is married, he will have to adapt his ways in order to get along with his partner. It is for this reason that I have translated a few chapters from Tuhfatuz Zawjayn by Hazrat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi rahimahullah. He mentions some really nice and beautiful points. The last part is a brief account of Hazrat Maulana Thanwi's own behaviour inside his household.

Speaking to your wife and keeping her happy is also her right

Some people are such that they are referred to as respected elders or obedient followers of a respected elder. They are fully engiaged in prayer, fasting, zikr etc and it is as if they are purchasing their place in Jannah through their worship. However, these people are such that they remain ignorant of the rights of their wife.

Remember! It is also the right of your wife that you fix a time for her in which you can speak to her in order to listen to her problems and her joys. It is also her right that you have heart to heart with her so that she remains happy but it is unfortunate that many religious and less religious people remain ignorant with regards to this and thus do not fulfil this right of the spouse. These people are such that they think the only thing that they have to do is provide food and clothing for their wife!

Buying gifts for your wife without reason and feeding her with your hands

If a person purchases something for his wife without any reason to do so then that will not be considered to be extravagance. This is because making the heart of your wife happy is what is needed. However, there is also the condition that a person doesn’t incur a debt upon himself greater than he can satisfy.

And to feed the wife some food is also good, Allah Ta’ala places reward in this.

Hazrat Thanwi and his beautiful conduct with the women of his house

“It is not something which should be mentioned but out of necessity I will tell you as to how I run my household and how I take assistance from the people of my house.

Alhamdulillah, I am not suppressed and nor do I suppress anyone in my household and still, I live the life of a king. My habit is this that when I go home, I check if there is fresh chapatti; if it hasn’t been made, I eat the stale chapatti. Many a times I see that my wife is busy with something so I take the chapatti with my own hands and I take some water with me also. I then take a plate and poor curry into the plate and sit down to eat. If she is making chapatti, I ask her if she needs anything as sometimes, water is needed. If this is the case, I go to the sink or well and fill a bucket of water for her. Sometimes, if she is free, I ask her to bring me the food and that poor girl brings it for me (i.e. Hazrat Thanwi is showing his compassion for his wife that she assists him without making any complaint). It is important for a person to see whether she is busy or not as a person does not remain in the same state all the time.

I tend to get less sleep at night and so after observing my wife for a while, I get up and make thanks to Allah Ta’ala that at least He gave her sleep. Otherwise two sadness’s would be joined together (i.e. one sadness for me not being able to sleep and one sadness for her not being able to sleep).

Then when I am leaving my house, I ask her if there is anything she would like me to do for her. If she says that there is nothing for me to do, I go about my business and if she tells me that there is some work that needs taking care of, I do it. For example, if she wants me to write a letter, I will finish this job and then leave.

Nowadays, many people in our society say that having a wife means a life of friendship! O naive people! Do you even fulfil any rights of friendship or do you just use this term as a (flowery) word? It is only shown by your actions whether or not you have taken that poor girl to be your friend."

May Allah Ta'ala give us the ability to inculcate within ourselves beautiful characteristics which perfume the houses we live in and bring joy to the people we spend time with. May He give us the ability to cherish one another. Ameen, ya Rabbal 'Aalameen.