A Useful Comment

Just incase the other people that visit this site never saw the comment left on the post below (Jannah event) I thought it would be useful to post it up publicly because it may be of use to others and a good read also.

Assalaamu Alaykum,

Jazakallah for asking for advice in this matter. Remember that I am a student of knowledge and that I may make mistakes. So it is best to actually consult an alim if you want the best advice available.

Looking at what you wrote I’ll take each sentence at a time because a few points can be made from each statement.

“If a sister deeply loves a guy who she knew in school, but although she is not interacting with him now and doesn’t see him, she is finding it hard to forget about him.”

Nowadays a lot of people claim to have tasted “love”. Maybe you do love the guy maybe you don’t. Allah knows best. Maybe it’s just a plot from shaytan to keep your mind and heart occupied with something other than Allah. Maybe it’s a trick from your inner desires to cause you to think you “need” the guy in your life therefore trying to take you away from Allah, The Real Sustainer. Maybe it’s just infatuation and a psychological thing. Whatever it may be I would advise strongly that you move on. Really, when a person falls into such a frame of mind I’ve noticed that depression sometimes follows, you start feeling down and you miss the guy and then patience starts to wear thin, your mind isn’t focused, studies start to go downhill and problems start to arise. Even islamically, your salaah may not feel peaceful, your mind keeps thinking about him and then the concentration in salaah goes out the window too. I’m not saying you are suffering or having the same side effects as those above but generally it does happen.

If you love this guy but you aren’t speaking to him and you don’t see him either then that provides you with the perfect ground to move on. But this is where it comes down to you as a person. Do you really want to move on? Nobody can force you to move on. A woman’s heart is different to a man’s. Women generally when they get the man they want, they are content, happy and satisfied. When this happens at such a young age of 15,16,17 and a person doesn’t last long with their “hubby” then it takes a long time for the girl to move on. But for the man it’s not as bad. A woman always remembers her first love and it can have serious effects later on in life especially in marriage if you haven’t moved on from your previous love. This feeling you have some may call “puppy love”, is it worth even remembering for all these years when you don’t even see the guy or when you know that you probably won’t even get married to him? Personally I see it as a pointless thing because your just holding on to false hopes if you get what I mean. That one day you will be re-united and this guy will walk through your doors and call you by your name and ask you for your hand in marriage. Its like be serious about things like this. If you know it won’t work out then move on. I know it may be easy said then done but I’ve spoken to a lot of people and it’s way worse when you have to move on but you face the guy you like every day and see them on a daily basis. So in reality Allah Ta’alaa has made a way for you to move on and get out of there, it’s up to you though. Do you want to take that path? Do you really want to move on? Or are you happy with your state of mind at the moment? It’s really up to you now. I would advise you to make the intention to move on from this guy and divert your heart and attention to Allah Ta’alaa and his Messenger (peace be upon him) instead. There’s more to life than guys and things like this so don’t pay too much attention to it otherwise you’ll miss out on other opportunities in life.

“She is practising islam and is trying her best to stay on the straight path but she feels she is still in love with this guy.”

If you’re practicing islam and trying to stay on the straight path then it’s harder to do so when your heart is occupied with the love of something else other than Allah Ta’alaa. Allah Ta’alaa has created mankind like no other creature and we have special characteristics that other beings or organisms do not possess. One of them is this heart made to love. Different people love different things e.g cars, women, money, gold etc. but for a muslim our heart should be directed to Allah first then his Prophet (peace be upon him) and then your mother and father and so on.

You see I explained earlier that your salaah may not have proper concentration in it because your mind is occupied and worried about something else, that you don’t actually establish a proper connection with Allah Ta’alaa. Things like this do have an effect on a person and especially on Imaan. When you feel low and down, you would like the one who you love the most to make you laugh and happy. But if that person isn’t there to make you happy then it will feel like you have a massive hole in your life making you even more sad.

“she is still working on forgetting about him but she wants to know if this is wrong- to love someone altho she wont get married to him.”

Personally I think that if you really wanted to forget about him you could. But you need to make the effort and put in the strength and willpower to do so. If thoughts about the guy cross your mind, then immediately break them from becoming a day dream or part of your imagination and say to yourself “that this is not reality so I might aswell jus forget about it”. And busy yourself with something else. Don’t start wondering IF this will happen or IF that will happen. Just break your thought and forget about it especially when you know you won’t get married to him. Remember it may be painful to do in the beginning but insh’Allah it will get easier over time.

To love someone in Islam is not haraam. Like I said mankind was created with the ability to love. However, if you love someone then this love must be channelled in the right way and in the right manner. One way is nikaah. Anything outside of nikaah will be unlawful and with be deadly to your imaan.

Lastly, I would like to say that when it comes to finding the “perfect one” or when you think you’ve got your love of your life. Remember that shaytaan is the best of deceivers. So do be careful. What you may think is right for you and what you may think may make you happy, might actually be the thing that is bad for you and may even be the thing that causes you grief and heartbreak in this world. And when it comes to matters like this, just leave it to Allah Ta’alaa to find you a husband. If you try to look for the “one” you will lose a lot on the way including your imaan. And remember people act differently when they are with certain people. You don’t know how a person is with his family members and how a person may be once you’re married to him so be careful and don’t jump into things. Like I said, leave it to Allah Ta’alaa and make dua Allah Ta’alaa that He finds you a husband better than this “guy” and make dua to Allah Ta’alaa to help change your heart towards Allah Ta’alaa Himself and not to one of His creations. Remember Allah Ta’alaa is the controller of the hearts and he can do whatever he wills. When you plan on getting married pray salaatul istikharah when marriage candidates come and ask the appropriate questions and look at the character of the person and it may be that for years on end you may not find someone but if Allah Ta’alaa wills you will find someone from the most unbelievable of places.

Anyway a lot has been said. A lot more could be said too, but I think I should leave it as that. Any mistakes I made are from me and shaytaan. May Allah Ta’alaa forgive me. And whatever good points I made are from Allah Ta’alaa. May Allah Ta’alaa turn your heart towards Him more than anything else. Ameen.

Wassalam.