Lessons from Hadith #8 - Being Calm

It is related from Al-Hasan rahimahullah that a man passed away and left behind a son and a slave. He appointed the slave as the child’s guardian. The slave did not desist in raising the child up until he reached the age of marriage and then he found him a wife. The young man said to the slave, “Prepare some provision for me, I intend to seek knowledge.” The slave prepared his provisions (for travel) and so the young man came to a scholar and sought (knowledge) from him. The scholar said, “When you intend to leave, tell me so that I may teach you (i.e. some final advice). (So when the time came) I said, “I am to leave, please teach me.” The scholar said, “Fear Allah, be patient and do not be hasty!” Al-Hasan who is the narrator of this hadith says, “This (advice) contains all good.”

He left and he could hardly forget these things for there were only three of them. When he reached his family, he dismounted. When he entered the house, there was a man sleeping apart from his wife who was asleep there. “By Allah! I am not going to wait upon this!” He went back to his mount and wanted to pick up his sword, but then he repeated, "Fear Allah, be patient and do not be hasty." So he went back until he was standing at the man's head and then said, "I will not wait at all to deal with this man!" He went back to his mount and again wanted to take up his sword, but he again remembered the words. He went back again and while he was standing at the man's head he woke up. When the man woke up, he ran to him, embraced him and kissed him. The slave asked him, "What happened to you after (you left) me?" He replied, "By Allah, I received a lot of blessing. By Allah, after I left you, (I had learnt such knowledge that) it was the knowledge which I obtained which kept me from killing you for I spent the night walking  three times between my sword and your head. " (This hadith has been related by Imam Bukhari in his Al Adab Al Mufrad.)

This hadith highlights firstly the fear of Allah Ta’ala. The reverential fear of Allah Ta'ala produces a barrier within oneself and helps that person say ‘NO!’ to sin. Take the example of a house which is surrounded by beasts and enemies etc. A dim person would build a short fence made out of weak wood, a clever person would make a medium height fence out of bricks and a truly wise person would build a tall fence out of iron. In the same way, a pious person understands that all these sins such as zina, backbiting etc all bring problems to a person and thus it is important to build an iron fence between him and the sins. A person who is a bit of a div will quite simply build a short wooden fence and go to sleep with the hope that when he wakes up, there will be no evil at his door. However, during his slumber, the very sin he was neglectful in warding off has entered into his house.

Quite simply, fearing Allah Ta’ala is a means of placing a barrier between yourself and the punishment of Allah Ta’ala.  The stronger the fear, the stronger that iron wall becomes. The weaker the fear, the easier that fence is pierced.

The first advice which is given is to fear Allah Ta'ala. The second advice which is given is to be patient. It is almost as if the hadith is saying 'when you see someting which shocks you, then fear Allah Ta'ala as this will prevent you from doing anything wrong to someone. Thereafter, be patient in regards to the situation you have found yourself in.' Sometimes, it may take time for us to see things in a particular way. To see something clearly, you have to wait for the smoke to go away. In the same way, when a person sees something that angers him, let that red mist disappear by being patient.

Finally, this hadith speaks about the virtue of being relaxed in matters and not hasty. Many a times, we get angry with others because we have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. We as Muslims must learn to become as relaxed as we possibly can as when a person has anger and haste coupled within himself, he will act first and question later. The problem is, when a person acts incorrectly with someone in the beginning, he may not have a ‘later’ with that person if that person is innocent. Take the example of a man who convinces himself that his friend has betrayed him. He has not taken any opportunity in speaking to his friend peacefully and rationally but rather he has acted in the heat of the moment and said some horrible things. As a result, his friend will become so hurt that even if the person cools down and apologises, the friend would not want anything to do with him as some words leave deep scars. Thus, it is important to be relaxed people. Sometimes it is very hard as the situation warrants us to become angry but we have to train ourselves to become calm quickly.

May Allah Ta’ala grant us the ability to be calm, muttaqi people. Ameen.

How Do You Know It's Time To Get Married?

Many are of the opinion that a person should only really get married when his desire for intimacy increases; while this is correct, there are also other factors that a person should consider because not everybody has the same level of desire. Some people are highly amorous and thus need to get married quickly so as to protect themselves from falling into Haraam. On the contrary, there are some whom are quite mellow and their desires are well subdued. Such people can sometimes fall into deceit as they may feel that Nikkah is only for those who need to fulfil their needs. This is incorrect.

As a man, besides the obvious physical desire that is felt, there are other indications which also show that a male should get married. When you see that you are constantly missing meals, wearing un-ironed clothes, constantly feeling sick and missing out on a lot of sleep, know that you need the touch of a woman. When you have become completely injury prone and from every angle of your life there seems to be sloppiness and inaccuracy, you need a good wife to beat you into shape! Thereafter, your life will come back into perspective.

A person will no longer skip meals because he now knows he must eat his wife’s cooked food. Likewise, if she is a pious wife who wishes to sit and eat with her husband, he’ll feel that he needs to at least eat something so his wife can eat too. Likewise, if his appearance looks scrappy and ragged, when he is married, he will immediately change so that his wife is attracted to him. And if he still doesn’t care about his looks after marriage, his wife will make sure he wears clothes which are appropriate and represent able. 

A person constantly becomes ill because his lifestyle is not correct, it is hoped that by the guidance of a good wife, the husband can live a clean and healthy lifestyle. Men generally don’t take good care of themselves because they are always worried about something or the other. They also have a very rugged nature which as a result creates a lot of problems on the mind, body and soul. It is like a tank that goes through 100 walls, it keeps going and doesn’t care about the scratches it takes. However, the more damage it takes, the more weak it becomes. Similar is the case of a man, he feels like he is superman and tries to do everything but sooner or later, he gets burnt out. This is why he needs a wife, she will make sure he doesn’t over do it. When the husband sees anguish in the eyes of his wife, he begins to look after himself for her sake.

Quite simply, there’s more to getting married than just being able to fulfil one’s desires.

How should one behave towards one who criticizes others?

I have translated the following from Malfoozat Hazrat Sheikh rahimahullah. The following is some advice given by Hazrat Maulana Zakariyya rahimahullah during I'tikaf in the Ramadhan of 1395:

How should one behave towards one who criticizes others?

He said: "O, my dear ones, I would like to put a point forward in relation to those criticisms which have been heard about me. Please, do inform me about them. In reality, those who criticize are well-wishers for a man (because they divert his attention towards his own mistakes). After hearing criticisms, a man should ponder over the objections which he hears (about himself). How truthful is this. When criticisms are made with sincerity, then it feels good, in such an instance one should make a rectification of this fault. And if this criticism is incorrect, then he should make shukr (thanks) to Allāh Ta'ala (that it is Allāh's favor upon him that this fault is not within him). The point of discussion here is that one should not get angry upon criticism. In fact, I become happy at that person who criticizes me, because I do not have any good deeds and this poor soul is passing over his good actions to me as a result of his incorrect criticisms and backbiting. This will come in benefit for me on that day when I will be empty-handed.

I have said to this Muftī ṣaḥib (Maulānā Muftī Maḥmūd Ḥasan Gangohī is meant here, who was Maulānā Zakariyyā’s distinguished caliph, the most distinguished Mufti in Hindustan.  He was an 'ālim and a muḥadith (may Allāh benefit us through him)) many times that whatever is said about me incorrectly, immediately check it, but he has not accepted this statement of mine.