EVENT FOR SISTERS: Qualities of a Believer

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day

From: Tafseer Raheemi

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3. Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

Translated by Hazrat Maulana Abdul Rahim
Edited by Abdus Subhan

Vanity & Its Harms

You know you have a problem when you can’t stop looking at yourself in the reflection of car windows! When it comes to those people who are beautiful to some degree; people are of perhaps two types. The first type of people are those who are quite simply not bothered by their beauty. They don’t spend hours in front of the mirror grooming themselves; they are happy enough to roll out of bed and go to the shops to pick up a pint of milk. Then there is the second type; those people who cannot leave the house without making sure every inch of their body looks attractive. He/she constantly feels the need to look in the mirror every minute (literally).

The reality is, it is not a bad thing to look good. Rather, it is something that we should give some degree of importance too. As Muslims we are given the example of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam who would always look good and presentable. He would make sure that his blessed body is well fragranced, that his blessed teeth are clean, that his clothes are sparkling and the examples are many.

However, a problem can arise in a person when he becomes obsessed with his/her own looks. Keeping oneself represent able is a good thing but when a person becomes incredibly vain and over taken by one’s own features, it is not something which is lauded. Rather, it can give rise to many negative traits within one’s own self. Vanity can give rise to arrogance; when a person feels he/she is too pretty, they may begin to feel superior to anybody else. This can be seen at the time of marriage; a person might get a proposal from a nice, good looking girl but the boy (who considers himself handsome) will reject her simply because she is not as ‘beautiful’ as he is. When Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam was asked, “What is pride/arrogance?” He replied, “It is to turn away from the truth and to look down on people (i.e. belittle them).” (Bukhari).  Thus, vanity can lead a person to think much in regards to himself and as a result, his ego inflates like a balloon. And just like a balloon, his feet do not remain on the ground.

Secondly, it could cause envy within oneself and within others which doesn’t do one any favours. For example, when a handsome person sees someone who is even more beautiful than he is, he gets jealous and envious. Take the example of a person who is considered beautiful by his community and is constantly praised by the other gender, if another person entered that same community and stole the attention, the vain person would become extremely envious. When a person becomes envious, he may do anything to destroy the other person. Similarly, if a person is regularly trying to look good, he could at times get the wrong attention from the wrong people which could in effect, give him problems. i.e. the entire situation could be reversed and someone may get jealous on him.

Vanity could also bring anger within a person. There are many people who buy rare garments etc and they believe it to be exclusive to themselves. However, one day, they bump in to another person who has the exact same garments and as a result, they become extremely angry. They feel that that particular piece of clothing was meant to be exclusive and as a result, they go ballistic! 

Finally, vanity brings love for this world into the hearts of people.  Once, Malik ibn Dinar rahimahullah asked, "In what lies the corruption of the people?" Hasan al Basi rahimahullah replied, “In the death of the heart." Malik ibn Dinar rahimahullah said, "What is the death of the heart?" Hasan: "The love of the world.” When a person becomes too engaged in materialistic goods he becomes a chamcha for the worldly life, thus, a person loses characteristics of abstinence in his life and the transition from this life to the hereafter becomes harder.

So what can a person do to take vanity out of himself?

1. One should spend very little time in front of the mirror. Literally, force oneself to limit this time.
2. One should leave one’s house without applying makeup/gel etc etc
3. One should try to avoid wearing brand name clothing.
4. Hang around with those people who aren’t vain.

May Allah Ta’ala give us the ability to rectify ourselves. Ameen.

Reflections on 'Rinsing' Guys and Glamour Models

Bismillahir rahmanir raheem.

A few days ago, news reached me of a TV programme that was broadcasted in relation to a few supermodels who have used their appearances and sex appeal to draw some benefits and gifts from the opposite gender. At first, I didn't pay that much attention to it but over the last few days, I have noticed that it has sparked such uproar, that many people have written about it. In fact, such was the uproar, that it sparked a Twitter storm causing 50,000 tweets.  After reading through some of these articles (which contained tweets and public comments), I viewed a couple of short clips of the episode and it truly upset me and made a deep impact upon my heart.

After reading much feedback and trying to grasp many of the new concepts, there were three areas I recognised as being important to address; 1. Women and their role models 2. Men and how lowly they can become 3. Hayaa (modesty)

In brief, let me just summarise the issue; the theme of this documentary highlights the lives of various glamour models who are apparently extremely successful but they do not have any such profession. As a result, they use their beauty to entice rich (or reasonably rich) men who then in turn give them money and buy them extremely expensive gifts. This is not to say that the problem in its entirety lies with the women, men who welcome the idea of spending thousands on women who do not even care for them deserve to be hit with the harsh clap of reality; but more on that later.

My first area of worry was in relation to our own respected and dear sisters in Islam. Despite many women (whom I applaud) condemning the models in the documentary,  I noticed how some women were writing messages of support after watching these models rake money in. Many went to the extent of saying that such action was justified and quite beneficial. As a Muslim, let alone a Muslima, such actions are quite simply far from our religion. How can it bring a person happiness, to hoard wealth in a fashion which is against morality and free from any ethics? It does not even need a Muslim to highlight that such behaviour is wrong, many non Muslims are correctly condemning such doings on social networking websites. 

Thus, it's necessary to disregard such glamour models and looks for some role models for all that glitters is not gold. When you take away the glitz and the thrill of what these women are doing and you lay their purpose out, it is quite simply abhorrent.  How can it be acceptable, to not work for the money you gain but to take it from the hand of a person who is vulnerable due to his desires? Alhamdulillah, our deen has taught us from the very beginning to be people of pioneering nature who are not reliant on the money of others. Such people who exert their limbs in noble work, utilise their capacity in all fields and be dignified in their search for wealth. This was taught to us by our beloved Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam. In a narration related by Abu Dawud, a man came to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam and he had nothing in his possession except a piece of cloth (half of which was to be worn and the other half was to be used as a spread) and a bowl. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam told him to bring both possessions to him; consequently, they were brought and the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam auctioned them off for 2 dirhams (silver coins). He gave the man the two coins and told him to spend one upon the sustenance of his family and the other coin should be used to purchase an axe. In fact, the axe was brought to Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam and he fixed the handle; he then commanded the man that he should go and gather firewood (by utilising the axe) and should not return until 2 weeks later. When the man returned, he had accumulated 10 silver coins. It was at this juncture that the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “This is better for you than the (act of) begging should come as a blemish on your face on the Day of Judgment. Begging is right only for three people: one who is in grinding poverty, one who is seriously in debt, or one who is responsible for compensation and finds it difficult to pay. (i.e. extremely dire circumstances)”.

Having understood this hadith, it is important to highlight the work ethic that Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam would inculcate within the Companions. Respect for a person is when that person acquires sustenance in a respectable and dignified manner. What respect is there in a person who hoards money by using their sexual prowess as a means of asking men for gifts? A person may achieve their goal and gain quite a bit from lustful men but where is the taste of prosperity in their wealth? It is free from any blessing, free from any satisfaction, free from any dignity.

Thus it is important to urge our sisters to be such women, who study hard throughout their youth and become women who are intellectually astute, morally sound and highly modest. When such characteristics are found within a woman, she is not in need of stooping to such lows.

The second advice is in relation to my dear Muslim brothers; we have become too weak in relation to our desire for the opposite gender. There are many who are all too willing to give time, wealth and affection to women who are not even halal for them. Many Muslim men are spending their money on women whom they have never met; their only source of interaction with these glamour models etc has been through adult entertainment sources. In an attempt to win the admiration of these women, many men are emptying out their wallets in buying gifts which would be more rewarding for them had they spent their wealth on their family members instead. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, "When a Muslim spends on his family in anticipation of a reward, it is sadaqa for him." (Al Adabul Mufrad) I.e. when a man spends on his family members, he is rewarded immensely. Furthermore, in this documentary, men were spending thousands on these women; Allahu Akbar! There are people in this world who are in extreme need, they are literally walking on the banks of destruction and they have no person to feed them. Yet, we would rather give money to women who are quite simply ‘users’ (matlab parast) as opposed to the millions who are dying of hunger. 

Our priorities in life must be sorted out. On the Day of Qiyamah, the feet of a person will not move until he has answered 5 questions; two of which are: Where did you acquire your wealth? Where did you spend your wealth? Every single person will have to answer for every single penny he spent, what will be the state of that person who did not care for his zakah but was enthusiastic upon spending his wealth in shameful places? What answer will he give to Allah? Thus, it is important for us to build this fear within us.

Lastly, in relation to a man, we need to stop being ‘suckers’ for everything that tickles our fancy. We have to build up our defences, it shouldn’t be the case that a pretty woman batters her eyelashes and we feel the need to rescue the damsel in distress. There is a need to become prudent in such matters and ignore that which is of no benefit. When a person becomes desperate in regards to the other gender, he loses his respect in the eyes of people.

Finally, I wanted to mention the topic of modesty. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam has said that Hayaa (modesty) is a branch of faith. In another place he has said, “Every nation has a trait and the trait of my nation is modesty” (Muwatta). He has also said, “Vulgarity does not exist in something except that it makes it repulsive and modesty does not exist in something except that it beautifies it.”  In fact, even men are given the example of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam who was described as being more bashful than a veiled virgin within her quarters.

Modesty is quite simply that thing which prevents a person from doing anything hideous. He is constantly shy and is afraid what people might think. Moreover, he is most shy of Allah Ta’ala. As a result, he shies away; take the example of a pious person, when all of his friends are going to a club, he rejects because his modesty stops him from entering such places. Thus, the more we increase in our modesty, the greater we become in distinguishing immoral activities from moral deeds. This is a characteristic which should be in us all (men and women) but it seems extremely distant from such women who are involved in ‘rinsing’ activities. The likes of Asmaa bint Abi Bakr radiallahu anhumaa was such that one day she was carrying a huge weight of harvest on her shoulders towards her house which was at a distance. The Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam passed by with a group of men; the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam was her brother in law and offered to take her home by sitting her on his horse but she refused the offer and said, “I am shy that I travel amongst the men”. Such women are models, the great role models to have ever walked the earth.

May Allah Ta’ala give us all the ability to recognise that which is the Haqq as Haqq and then bless us with the ability to follow it. And may He give us the ability to recognise that which is false as false and bless us with the ability to stay away from it. May He, out of His kindness, endow us with the characteristics of our beloved Muhammad salallahu alayhi wasallam, and beautify us with the characteristic of modesty. Ameen.

Qur'an - The Book That Shook The World

 The following is a rough transcript of the bayaan given at Noor ul Islam Masjid on 6th May 2012. The topic was, 'Qur'an - The book that shook the world'.

Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam has said in a hadith which has been recorded by Imam Muslim, “Trials and tribulations will come upon the heart like a straw mat, one straw after the other. Whichever heart accepts these fitnahs into his heart, it will become tainted with a black dot. And whichever heart rejects these fitn will have his heart marked with a shining, white spot. Until the hearts become one of either two types; the one who rejected these fitn will have his heart white, like shining marble, nothing will be able to give this heart harm for as long as the heavens and the earth remain. The state of the second heart is such, that it will become incredibly black, coal like. It will be a dark, empty vessel which has no nur inside. It does not recognise good and nor does it reject evil, it just follows its desires.”

Having understood this, I put before you a second narration; Abdullah ibn Abbas radiallahu anhu mentions that Jibreel alayhis salaam once came to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam informed him that many fitnahs will appear. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “What will the way out from it, O Jibreel?” He said, “The Book of Allah”.

Many of us today are impacted by many troubles, trials and tribulations which surround us on a regular basis. Some people may be living messed up lives, completely free from the remembrance of Allah Ta’ala. And this may even be the case for those of you who appear to be religious with a beard, juba, hijab, abaya etc. The reality is, that when fitn is hitting us left, right and centre, it effects our hearts tremendously. There are many, whose hearts have become tainted... blemished... murdered by an abundance of sinning. The hearts have become, dark, full of malice but such darkness will only remain if you let it remain there. When the Qur’an was first revealed upon Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam, it did not just shake the world but it shook the hearts of those who heard it. It was such, that the very Qur’an, which we read today, about which Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “"Certainly, there is always a thing in which people take pride. And that which is glory and pride for my Ummat is the Holy Qur'an." 

This very same Qur’an has the ability to shake our hearts and take the spots of darkness out and recuperate it and make it like a twinkling star.

It is about this effect that Allah Ta’ala mentions,

إِنَّمَا ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ ٱلَّذِينَ إِذَا ذُكِرَ ٱللَّهُ وَجِلَتۡ قُلُوبُہُمۡ وَإِذَا تُلِيَتۡ عَلَيۡہِمۡ ءَايَـٰتُهُ ۥ زَادَتۡہُمۡ إِيمَـٰنً۬ا وَعَلَىٰ رَبِّهِمۡ يَتَوَكَّلُونَ

“Certainly, the believers are those whose hearts are filled with awe when (the name of) Allah is mentioned; and when His verses are recited to them, it makes them more developed in faith; and in their Lord they place their trust.”

ٱللَّهُ نَزَّلَ أَحۡسَنَ ٱلۡحَدِيثِ كِتَـٰبً۬ا مُّتَشَـٰبِهً۬ا مَّثَانِىَ تَقۡشَعِرُّ مِنۡهُ جُلُودُ ٱلَّذِينَ يَخۡشَوۡنَ رَبَّہُمۡ ثُمَّ تَلِينُ جُلُودُهُمۡ وَقُلُوبُهُمۡ إِلَىٰ ذِكۡرِ ٱللَّهِ‌ۚ ذَٲلِكَ هُدَى ٱللَّهِ يَہۡدِى بِهِۦ مَن يَشَآءُ‌ۚ وَمَن يُضۡلِلِ ٱللَّهُ فَمَا لَهُ ۥ مِنۡ هَادٍ

“Allah has sent down the best discourse, a book containing subjects resembling each other, mentioned again and again, shivered from which are the skins of those who have awe of their Lord. Then, their skins and their hearts become soft enough to tend to the remembrance of Allah. This is the Guidance of Allah with which He brings to the right path whomsoever He wills. As for the one whom Allah lets go astray, for him there is no one to guide.”

Once the Qur’an has penetrated the heart, then a person is directed towards that which is correct. Allah Ta’ala says,

إِنَّ هَـٰذَا ٱلۡقُرۡءَانَ يَہۡدِى لِلَّتِى هِىَ أَقۡوَمُ

“Indeed, this Qur’an guides towards that which is upright...”

My respected brothers and sisters, the reality is that we could speak about the power, the majestic nature and the virtues of the Qur’an for hours on end. Everybody sitting in this room understands that the Qur’an is something which is good, venerated, respected and loved. Everybody in this room understands that the Qur’an should not be disrespected. The problem is, we all understand the amazing nature of the Qur’an but we still don’t read it! That is the problem and for this we need some remedies.

I began to think about how we could bring ourselves to read the Qur’an? An I thought of perhaps six-seven points which we could use to perhaps bring the Qur’an into our life:

1. Learn the Qur’an properly with Tajweed. Do not delay or be shy – You must try your utmost best to learn the Qur’an. The hadith states that it is either a proof for you or against you. It will be a proof for you if you learnt it in the correct manner and then recited it beautifully. If you don’t even bother to learn tajweed, the Qur’an will curse you! The very same Qur’an that could be a means for you to enter into Jannah will be a source of you going into the fire of hell! Don’t be shy either, Aishah radiallahu anha says, “The best of women are the women of the Ansaar for they do not let shyness top them from seeking knowledge.” Be like the women of the Ansaar! Take lessons from them! How can you be shy? Will you live the remainder of your life distant from the Qur’an?

2. Maintain Wudhu – half the battle is done. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “Only a believer looks after his wudhu.” When you have your wudhu, you will have a better chance of reading the Qur’an. Otherwise, when you want to read Qur’an, you’ll gets frustrated and put off by the fact that you have to use cold, cold water. If you already have wudhu, it will be easier inshallah.

3. Fix yourself an amount to read every day at a set time when you will not be busy. And don’t overdo it! – Fix it in your mind that you will do pray some amount of Qur’an everyday and establish it in your life. Find a time when you are free and your thoughts are free; then utilise it in reading the Qur’an. Maybe a page before you sleep! Those people who don’t read Qur’an at all, start by reading half a page or a page and then build it up. Those who are more proficient, try to read more but don’t overdo it! If you overdo it then you will get bored. So do little but be efficient and then progress like this.

4. Try to learn the meanings of the Qur’an, go to some good tafseer classes – You don’t need to learn Arabic, if you do that is good! But try to go and listen to the tafseer of the scholars. You will only abide by the Qur’an when you realise what it is telling you. Learn the stories and lessons in the Qur’an, they will give you solutions to things that you see in your life. Find suitable scholars and listen to their tafseer, you can’t understand the Qur’an by simply looking at a translation. There are many reasons and stories behind many of the verses.

5. Learn some Surahs of the Qur’an or some parts, it will come in benefit for you when you are in a time of need – Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “That person in whom there is no part of the Qur’an is like a house which is barren and desolate.” Try memorising some of the Surah of the Qur’an. They will help you in your day to day life. Surah Fatiha is a cure for every disease, a person who reads Surah Kahf has a light emanating from beneath his feet to his heavens, Surah Mulk saves one from the punishment of the grave! Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, “For every single thing there is a heart and the heart of the Qur’an is Surah Yasin. Whomsoever read it, it is as if he has read the Qur’an 10 times.” In fact, even the Sahabah radiallahu anhum would train their children to memorise parts of the Qur’an. Abdullah ibn Mas’ud radiallahu anhu was close to passing away and he was leaving many daughters behind. Uthman radiallahu anhu insisted on giving Abdullah ibn Mas’ud radiallahu anhu some money so that the daughters have some wealth to use after his passing as they were unmarried. Abdullah ibn Mas’ud radiallahu anhu said, “I have heard Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam saying, ‘Whomsoever reads Surah Waqi’ah every night, poverty will not afflict him’ and I have taught every single daughter of mine this Surah!” This shows us that we must memorise parts of the Qur’an and help our children memorise it also.

6. Live by the Qur’an, act upon it, don’t just think ‘Oh I can read the Qur’an’ that’s enough - Aishah radiallahu anha was asked about the characteristics of Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam and she said, “His mannerisms were the Qur’an.” i.e. whatever the Qur’an commanded, he adhered and whatever it forbade, he stayed away from it.

7. Have a proper niyya (intention), don’t try impressing people with Quran.

8. Keep the Qur’an in your pocket on the train or on your iPhone – keep it with you so that you can read it on the tube and bus on your way to work or university. Make sure you have your wudhu if you touch the screen, this is the fatwa given by my beloved teacher, Hazrat Maulana Abdur Rahim sahib (DB).

9. Listen to it – If you can’t read it properly, then listen to it! This will help you. All this filth that we listen and enjoy on a day to day basis corrupts our mind and heart. So listen to the Qur’an, this will inshallah cleanse your mind and give peace to your soul. You will also begin to pick up recognise and memorise bits and pieces here and there.

10. Don’t doubt – When the Qur’an says, “This is the book in which there is no doubt” you should have full belief in this statement. It is not possible for the Qur’an to have doubt, Allah Ta’ala has stated this from the beginning. Thereafter, there is no scope for contradictions and false allegations which some people like to propagate. Allah Ta’ala has said, “Indeed, We have sent down this Remembrance (i.e. Qur’an) and We are its Protectors.” Once Allah Ta’ala has said this, it is the end of all doubts. If you still have doubts placed in your mind by mischievous people or by the way of your own conjecture, then go to a proper scholar and ask him in regards to it. He will give you a proper answer. Don’t look for it on the internet otherwise you will become confused even more!

The Qur’an begins with Baa and finishes with Seen – meaning BAS! So we shall end over here!

May Allah Ta’ala give me first the ability to act upon what I have said and give me the ability to fulfil the rights of the Qur’an. Thereafter, may Allah Ta’ala give you all the ability to act upon what has been said and fulfil the rights of the Qur’an. Ameen, ya Rabbal ‘Aalameen.